Will This Be on the Test? Transcripts
Hi, everyone, and welcome to Will This Be On the Test? I'm Mattie.
, and we're here today to tell you about some things that we didn't fully learn in history class,
either because it was just too weird, too risky or just something that they weren't going to cover
or in my case because of sexism.
Oh, in my case because the English and those people with all the Bibles wrote down all the history and they did not cover this because we were too busy burning down their monasteries or whatever.
But before we get to that, we've been watching Jeopardy non stop on Netflix,
so much jeopardy.
Okay, first of all, we should be taking notes for future pop podcast episodes. We're doing that, but we haven't been because we're stupid, which is proven to us every time we watch one of the college tournaments.
And this is like after we had just got done watching like the teen tournament, and I was like, I know every answer this I would have kicked butt against all of these 1415 year olds.
I did love that they had eighth graders on it, though. They were so terrified. They were so sweet and trying so hard up against those seniors. You gotta keep going, guys. You're awesome. Yeah. But we also noticed one other thing, which is, you phrase your answer in the form of a question, but the question you're giving the answer that you're responding is the worst possible answer to that question was What are bees? What are Eggs Benedict or scrambled?
I really kind of feel like if you just reverse Jeopardy so these people asking questions, and it was just Alex Trebek giving awful but correct answers perfect, which is kind of what our podcast is we give awful but correct answers Yeah, that's
why you don't use us on tests although our stuff might not be on Jeopardy because this is more that kind of stuff.
It might help you on Jeopardy just a pretend there's a timer and some pitching music.
I have made up a song for myself every time I get a right answer, which is basically all of my knowledge is useful. Because I don't tend to know things that are actually helpful in any way. But by God, I would rock on Jeff
be you would we should try out for jeopardy.
I actually tried out for one really I did not do well, but my friend who I went with progressed to the next round. Okay. So last week I started by talking about impeachment and Dear God, things have gone absolutely bananas since that you, you type of that real well, we, I kind of wonder if I caused it.
Do you think like Nancy Pelosi listened to our podcast? It was like, Oh, that's how this works.
Nancy Pelosi totally listens to our podcast.
Yep. We're putting that in our advertisements. Now. It's like, Will This Be On the Test? Nancy Pelosi totally listens to this.
See, I'm thinking it's more because being a teacher for so long, I learned to not express anything remotely political publicly, like the most political and dangerous I got was, Hey, guys, don't be jerks to each other.
Well, that is very political and dangerous.
you'd actually be kind of amazed. I even tried to stay away from being political last time. But obviously some political stuff sneaked in because it was so timely and now everything's kind of blown up. So things go well, it's totally because of me and our podcast. If things go badly, it has nothing to do with us.
It's because I followed up with a story about quarters. If I kept going, maybe we'd have the energy but no, I ruined everything.
You ruined everything.
You stupid bitch.
Well, since I started last time, little points that often starts today.
I'm going to start this time. Okay, hopefully this doesn't cause things to happen like yours did, because mine is about the Vikings. I mean, worst things could happen. I don't know. I mean, Vikings. They did a lot of like awful things like what with the burning, looting, raping and pillaging and taking no slaves. But Vikings did a lot of like a lot of exploration, a lot of trading. They did a lot of like inventing. And they also had a remarkable system of laws. And for like a medieval European society. women had a ton of rights and freedoms That we're not around for hundreds of years everywhere else.
Yeah, you might cover this but weren't there some Viking female leaders, there were some
Viking female leaders, and they found some skeletons of Viking warriors that were totally women.
So we're not going to talk about like all the stuff I can say we're gonna talk a bit about a very specific Viking and all of the shit that went down in the Vikings attack France.
This week, we are joined by Draco instead of fezzik. Draco likes to help me edit the podcast so anything ever is weirdly cut out? Chances are he put his paws on the keyboard and I didn't realize it.
So yeah, the Vikings were like they were doing a ton of stuff. It's just like skins here. The Viking ratings were most prevalent from about 792 around 1066. This was partially motivated because there's not a lot of good farmland in Scandinavia. But with it being in the frozen tundra of the North,
we have a layer of permafrost underneath it as I learned from jeopardy.
Yes, so helpful or knowledge is useful. So Marvin, there was a lot of farmland in Scandinavia was getting crowded. So part of these raids were linked to that. And the other part they think, is because there were a lot of Christian missionaries who were encroaching on their traditional territory, and it bugged them. So as personally retaliation for that out, Draco was point
they are exactly 59 minutes away from feeding time. So he's getting desperate,
very desperate, he just attacked. So. So remember next time, a bunch of like, you know, people come to your door and try and tell you about all the wonders of Jesus, the correct response about 1000 years ago, was to go and attack their homeland and steal all of their money.
So you're saying that whenever a missionary comes to the door, I should put on one of those, you know, helmets with the horns and carry a flag, actually wear but it's so much more fun to visualize that
it makes opera better. I mean, you need that horned helmet for the Vikings and Opera. But that's the only time the Viking race in France started around the year 800 Oh, I forgot to tell you who we're gonna be talking about specifically, Viking, a very specific Viking cold Rollo, or Rolf, or gods or Rolf.
So this is what the candy is named after know, my better anyway,
so Viking started talking to France around the year 800. This was when Charlemagne was still in charge that Charlotte made
the father Pippin a musical I worked on. Sure
most things I know I've learned from musicals.
Oh god that explains all of the attributes you things.
Well, we all do know what the internet is for.
So where was where was I? Oh, yeah. charlamagne was the Emperor. So he actually put in a system of Defense's around the coast to Viking Raiders from like stealing all of France. And it works pretty good. In 820 they actually repel the big Viking raid the mouth of the same. So this is working. Then he died. So thanks, they started to read more and this Louie the highest I need 40 and things completely fell apart in France. So all of these French kingdoms were fighting amongst themselves and the Vikings. Vikings took advantage of that. They started reading along the coast, they started taking territory, basically France gave up on the coast that's like they see the Vikings. They founded a colony and Gascony. Let's Gascony. It's a part of France.
I don't know a damn thing about France.
There's lots of French places in here that are in France, and that's the important part.
So the Jeopardy question would be what is friends? And your answer would be Vikings.
Yes. Oh, you aren't getting ahead of yourself.
So they had to call you and they also started pillaging monasteries, because they were easy pickings, full of treasure. And those monks with their silly haircuts and their lack of armor did not know how to fight so it was easy to steal a ton of stuff from monasteries. So there's like France is easy pickings for the Vikings around this time and it goes completely insane with When Ragnar lothbrok besiegers, Paris in the year 845.
dragons think that's like Vikings have the best names and like they come to get some finally gets down to my family. It's like, Oh, yeah, you're Austin. Dang it. So yeah, he reads, he reads a raid on Paris with 120 ships and about 5000 men, they sacked Paris, and basically took Paris hostage and refused to leave until they got a ransom of 5670 pounds of silver but ton of silver and they thought cool, the Vikings went away. We paid them off, they're not going to come back. That didn't work out for them. There were actually four more sieges of Paris in which they had to get paid to go away. And this is the time where Rollos comes in. He was called Ganga Rolf which translates to Rollo the walker to not gone general.
Like I said earlier,
yeah, I don't, I don't know how to pronounce a lot of this stuff. So like back off, maybe
that's why your name too often. As opposed to Ragnar like your Viking ancestor who's
actually my uncle, my grandpa, wanted to name my uncle Thor, Grandma, shut that down.
Oh, come on grandma.
I know. I love her. But uncle Thor. Rollo the Walker, where they called him a little Walker. He was too big to ride a horse. This guy was a giant. There weren't horses big enough for him to ride.
So obviously they've never been to the Budweiser factory. And they so they didn't steal any of Clydesdales. No.
Well, I mean that they've never been to St. Louis. If they made the St. Louis, Rollo would have had a sweet ass ride.
and they would have gone to a lovely fair there. Everything would have been different.
He would have like no laid siege to the arch and demanded 1000 pounds of silver before he was allowed to ride the elevator back down
to fit in the elevator.
The elevator to get to the arch
but it sounds like he's big enough. He could have just climbed it.
Oh yeah. Huge guy, charismatic Viking leader. We don't know. We don't know about heard about him before he started doing stuff. Okay, this is what we know. We are like 90% certain he's Danish simply because his grandson was named Robert the Dane and there was a temporary historian who was around where he was when he wrote a biography of him that claimed he was from Denmark but there's also a bunch of historians from around the time that played he was everything from Swedish or Norwegian, or even one the claim he was a last King of Scotland.
I would believe that
so we don't know a lot and we're also in the time of history where we don't know if what people wrote down was completely accurate. But Around this time, he started writing France it 876 he sacked Britain, France and sees the city of ruin.
So is that the name of the city?
Yeah, ruin. Okay, he also laid siege to Bayeux.
Like Scott Baio?
ba YE Ux, where you buy you bail out of French? me tired Country badly by the end of this.
I don't think they listened to us we probably offended them somehow before even this
is it because I applied that champagne was not specifically just a sparkling wine from the Champagne region.
I was thinking cologne which was in Germany so
the smelliest city in Germany. He leans into there, which is where he met his wife by condemning her and marrying her, but she would be apparently worked out because she was the mother to his hair.
I don't know if I'd call that working out so much as sex slavery.
Yeah, his son that was William Broadsword.
They had some high hopes for him.
Yeah, he kicked a lot about this tire family kicks butt. So then he joined a big Viking raid on city of Paris. This was the fifth season seija, Paris in 85 to 86. This is where we get the first actual historical records of him instead of just what we heard after the fact. Because he was he was one of the leaders in this each one historian claims there were 700 ships and 30 to 40,000 men In this raid, but other contemporary historians said that this guy was full of shit and exaggerated. It was probably about 300 ships and maybe 15,000 men.
Oh, come on guys, you can take that.
So they asked for a bribe from King Charles to like just not lay siege to Paris. He refused because, you know, they'd had enough of these Vikings just asking for their lunch money, and bless I mean, Paris, France was kind of in shambles there was not a civil war, but a lot of unrest and revolt and like squabbling Royals.
That seems to happen a lot in France, like it's a long period of nothing that we learned in history class, and then it's some kind of revolt.
Yes, Franceis revolting, literally, in this case. But anyway, the siege of Paris, I'm shocked they have not made a movie out of this because the leader of Paris man named odo, only had 200 men to defend Paris from these Vikings. They had like recently built a couple of bridges. They had towers to defend the bridge, and they had walls around the city. So it was the more defensible that it had been in the past. But he had 200 men against thousands of Vikings and crazy shit happen like the Vikings, they set up catapults and siege engines and trying to knock down walls and towers. And just firing into the city. The city was defending themselves by pouring hot tar out to them, which is really cool. There's at one point a bishop, join the fight against the Vikings, and he was running around with an axe and above the planet across on the battlements in order to rally the troops.
This sounds more like an episode of Drunk History than a movie.
I mean, it could honestly be an episode of Drunk History. I haven't watched all that show yet. At this point, the Vikings are trying to take these bridges but they couldn't because they're kind of by these towers and they have to repost and things weren't working and also they weren't hugely disciplined and big groups of them would decide to go to just raid the countryside dealership so they actually lit some of their boats on fire. Try to ramp them into these bridges so they could burn them down. They didn't work but we could the bridge later a rainstorm actually not down the bridge and There were 12 defenders in this tower that was kind of the bridge. They were cut off. The Vikings gave them a chance to surrender. They decided not to and were killed.
How did they think that was going to end? No,
I mean the entire time like they're sneaking men out beyond the Viking lines, trying to get people to help and at one point, Henry of Saxony does send some help, but he's marching through the winter and when he arrives, his men are sick and tired and he watches one attack that is repulsed and just does nothing else after that.
I say repelled
So that he has asked handed to her by the Vikings but Viking morale was low. And one of the Viking leaders besides at this point, he's just going to give up and he accepts a bribe of 60 pounds of silver and leaves with his men so that like Rollo is one of the only people left with his guys.
60 pounds of silver is like the equivalent of what all of our cats weigh
that's a lot of silver but not nearly as fun as cats. And plus they also did like the second the countryside, so they got a lot of stuff already. Burninating the countryside
Burninating the villages. So then spring came it is springtime in Paris and that means diseases started popping up everywhere. So Paris was an even bigger trouble because people were dying of these horrible horrible diseases. Then King Charles decides to lend his support and just all sorts of stuff happens there's like fighting of these Viking trenches. Henry of sacks and he does die at this point he's captured and killed by the Vikings, but they do actually managed to encircle the Vikings. Oh, no. Is it over for our boy Rollo the Walker is not because Charles doesn't want to fight. The Vikings doesn't want people to die. He lets them escape, flee back away. But this is the brilliant part. They sailed into Burgundy, which is another region of France, which was in revolt, so they just steal everything from burgundy. And then once they have their way with Burgundy, Charles gave them 700 pounds of silver to leave France, which they did. So Rollo the walker that was his big bursting out of the scene in history, the siege of Paris that was crazy and awesome and just lacked. It doesn't end there because Rollo didn't stop reading France. He kept coming back and coming back in the year 911. He tried to lay siege to the city of sharp days, it didn't go well either. They're going to repost allegedly because they waive the holy virgins tunic and it cited the peasants to rise up against the Vikings and drive them off.
They had like the Virgin Mary's shirts.
Yeah, some of her old laundry this had laying around decide to wave it around. And that made the peasants rise up against the Vikings and fight them off. But in reality, it was probably because King Charles was simple.
Why don't we call people Stuff like that anymore.
Well, it's his name. Charles was simple, not because he was stupid, like who'd call someone simple now, but because he was straightforward.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah. So it's just kind of a lost in translation and like, whoopsie doodle. I think I should use the term woopsie doodle. More often
we don't hear that very often.
It's probably because it's a ridiculous word woopsydoodle.
That's not nearly as ridiculous as some of the words that have been made up in the internet in the last two weeks or so.
Oh, the internet. It's not just for podcasts. So co simple is showing up with his army and cavalry. So Rollo decides it's time to retreat. They're falling back, but they can't fall back fast enough. They're trying to get on their ships, but the cavalry is closing in. So he decides he's going to kill all of the livestock they have on their boats and make a barricade out of dead animals.
That's the worst thing I had ever heard.
What makes it worse is that it works.
That would work on me too.
It's like the horses would not go near this horrifying charnel wall.
Horses are smarter than people.
Yeah. So it worked. And more importantly, Charles a simple was so impressed by Rollo the Walker that instead of just like attacking them, they said to reach a peace deal.
I want to have they made a wall dead animal. Yeah, it's
like oh shit and a horse wall. We got to talk to this guy. We can't fight him. We cannot fight this giant, the smella. Yeah. So they reached a deal in which Rollo would actually be given big chunks of Northern France on the condition that he defend the same river and France from future Viking rates and also that he converted to Christianity, which he converted to Christianity and was baptized and was totally Christian. He wasn't
Yeah, that doesn't seem like something's provable. You can go to church every Sunday you can be baptized doesn't mean it was
a good episode France was fighting itself. And Charles the simple, didn't really have a claim on this territory, but he just gave it to him. Anyway, I've got a pretty strong ally and defense from Viking raids in the future, which it kind of works because Viking raid still happens and also Rollo the Walker. His descendants just wrecked shit in northern France for years. Which, by the way, this part of France is now named after the North bed who lived there, who later became known as the Normans. So this was Normandy.
We couldn't pronounce that one.
Yeah, Normandy and so it was regenerations like Viking raids pretty much stopped. They weren't as effective because they had the Normans defending it. And also fun fact in the year 1066 you know what the Normans do?
I actually don't know anything about the 1066
Okay, the year 1066 is the year of the Norman Conquest in which the Normans go up, go to England and beat the shit out of the Anglo Saxons, and become kings and queens of England.
I honestly don't know how I don't know about any of this because I took several world history classes and a British history college class Oh my God, but he spent 99% of the British history class talking about his love of Margaret Thatcher
Yo, this was William the Conqueror Rollo's great, great, great grandson. I think there might be a couple more greats in there. But it was like him same family. And to this day Rollos ancestors still sit on the throne of England.
Terrified his ancestors still fit on it. It's not like the wall of death.
Yeah, the Queen of England is sitting on a pile of dead royalty.
The Queen Liz is sitting up there like this is why I live forever.
Yeah so Liz This is the Senate and so are all of the current royal families in Europe can trace their like ancestors back to Rollo the Walker. The Viking who was so slowly could ride a horse and annoy France to the point where they gave him a piece of France to defend France. I love everything about that. And it really worked because like the Vikings a lot of this was because they didn't have farmland, and France as farmland. This was like a smart all around deal by Charles the simple by talking to the scary scary Giant Man and trying to kill him and his palace of horseflesh. So that is history. Which is probably why we didn't land this. So are you ready for some questions?
Will the wall of horses be on any test?
I think so for learning about this in the first place, that's kind of important. They won't go into detail though.
Will the fact that the norseman are why it's called Normandy be on the test? Yeah. And will the fact that Elizabeth the Second country's her family all the way back to Rollo the Walker,
that will be having a test but the fact that she's sitting on a pile of their ancestors
can't prove that's not what they do. Have you ever seen the palace?
I been to London twice and their corpses.
London is just a pile of corpses,
which is part of why I love it there.
Europe everything is built on a pile of corpses and will the fact that just paying your bully the lunch money does not stop them permanently on the test.
Well, bullies just need to find understanding they they don't need your money. They need hugs
speaking of bullies, I need to go but a cat is fighting.
not fighting. They're tearing up the chair. Draco does not time to eat yet he disappeared.
He knew he was in trouble. He knew it. So that was Rollo the walker
I love that
dude. Yeah, we find something about the Norman Conquest because and because you love it when you know something like so thoroughly and I don't know anything about it. Yeah, do this like in high school in blaringly. I didn't learn about the Roman conquest in history class. Those are all English English classes. What taught me about the Norman Conquest?
Yeah, it's amazing how much history English class really covers. Like the only reason I know about like McCarthyism is English class. Yeah. Because we never in in a American history got past the depression. We never got past it. I'm sure that there are classes that did, but I never did.
Yeah, that's like our history classes. Always we'd make it to World War Two, then like it'd be after spring break, everyone was not paying attention. And every class just turned into just watch a fucking movie.
Yeah, although I get that, because I was a teacher for so long. Sometimes you just need to put in a movie, especially when it's nowadays when it's standardized testing season, and it's been one after the other after the other some days. You just got to give them a movie.
Yeah. What you get?
Well, today, I'm talking about Dolley Madison.
I know nothing about Dolley Madison, except she was married to James Madison.
She was married to James Madison. That's all I know about. I learned a very, very little bit about her in history class in eighth grade. And then I was listening to the and that's why we drink podcast a couple of weeks ago and I was listening to the ghost portion of it. They were talking about Dolley Madison, and I'll talk about all the ghost stuff at the end. But Dolley Madison it, they're talking about her and she sounds like a badass and I never learned any of this. So I decided to research her and it's not short. So just be ready.
Now I got a lot of this from montpelier.org Wikipedia and first ladies.org but I clicked through some other stuff to to supplement things. But overall, we don't hear a whole lot about the women who helped found this country. The only reason I knew who Betsey Hamilton was because it was my life. That was because I actually read the green page inserts on the hit in the history books.
Wait, wait, wait, Who the fuck is Betsey Hamilton?
Eliza Hamilton from Hamilton musical which you've seen? I've seen
her name was Betsey novelize up
Yeah, she went by Betsy
will it also blow your minds know that there were not only daughters in that family. They had brothers and that Peggy had Hamilton was a real badass Peggy,
Peggy ah, yeah, Peggy Peggy Schuyler Marguerite.
I'm just shaking my head. I feel like I've, like I shouldn't even know I've ever lost for words. You broke me,
but we're not talking about them. Today we're talking about Dolley Madison. So you might have heard of Dolley Madison snack cakes. They don't, I don't think they make them anymore. They used to be a vending machines. She was also the one who supposedly saved the George Washington portrait during the British burning of the White House, you might have heard that. You might have heard that she introduced ice cream to the White House. That's the kind of stuff we learned in school, much of which might not be true. And I'll get into that too. That doesn't change the fact that Dolley Madison was a boss and like most of the people we cover a complicated human being who also had a lot of flaws. Dolley was born Dolley painter on May 20 of 1768 in North Carolina, she was the fourth have eight children, though her name has been the subject of debate, because it's spelled do Ll e y in modern spelling they had it they said oh, it was Dorothy it was Dorothea or it was Dolley with an eye ear Dolley without me. She was registered with an E Why? She also spelled it without an E on her own. We'll we'll see, but things weren't going well for her at that point. Her dad was a super Quaker like quicker ism was his life despite the fact that he was not raised in the religion and actually converted unlike Rollo when he married his wife,
so I thought Quakers were the ones where you couldn't have kids, but sounds like they had many kids
Quakers gonna have kids.
What do you think? Oh, shakers? I'm thinking shakers.
I don't know anything about shakers but I can't imagine they can't have kids.
There's one like weird religion where they do. That's let's let's not go into it
might be something to look up for another time. Maybe. Yeah, he moved the family to Philadelphia which was the center of the Quaker religion at the time when she was 15 due to Being a Quaker he had actually freed all of his slaves prior to this time, which was still in the 1800s or 1700s and tried to become a starch merchant like laundry starch. But that failed and he was kicked out of the quicker religion because of his failed business that is
because they considered being in debt to be a sign of weakness. So he freed all his slaves and because of his religion, tried to go into business for himself without owning other humans and got kicked out of the religion for not being successful after that. Before he died. He talked his daughter Dolley into marrying a man named john Todd, who was a quicker lawyer. She was married to him for three years had two children, but he her newborn and both of his parents were killed during the yellow fever outbreak in 1793, which killed half of Philadelphia.
that is all I saw on it half from
Unknown Speaker 29:00
killed the yellow fever in 1793, which was when she was 25. So by 25 she was a widow who had lost her husband her in laws her father and one of her two children. Wow, fun fact, until her dad died. She had been helping her mother run a boarding house that was frequented by the founding fathers and other lawmakers. She became such good friends with Aaron bird or as autocorrects made it off Aaron bus that she named him her son's Guardian in May of 1974. Right off right, not long after her husband died so that if her son if she died, then he would have gone to Aaron Burr. However, that same year in 1794, this guy named Madison was like, hey, Aaron. That lady is super hot, and I hear her family's dead. So can you hook me up and Aaron is like, I got you, bro. And so Madison and Dolley were married.
That's Aaron Burr, you just get more complicated and complicated, the more I learned about you.
They got married only 13 months after her husband died. But it's worth noting that because of the laws of the time, she was not really allowed to work. And since she was a woman, she was not allowed to be in charge of the money her husband had left her his brother withheld all of that money, but still expected her to pay for all of the funerals and other expenses associated with the family. So she's trying to raise this baby by herself unable to work with her brother in law keeping over money when she got married the day of she wrote a letter to her friend with the first part, which she wrote before the ceremony saying, Yeah, I like this guy, James, and he's super nice, and he's going to be a good dad to my son. But that's about it. And then she signed it Dolley Payne Todd, which was her name at the time, and then after the wedding, she amended it to her new name and wrote a last with two s's. So she invented overdramatic text speak, I think, but by all accounts, she actually did love him. They got along really well. It was a really good partnership. They never had any children. It was so he was stepped out to Her son and never had any of his own list. I don't think he had any of his own. He'd been widowed already was also I think 17 years older than her something like that. The marriage resulted in her being excommunicated from the Quaker church, because Madison was not Quaker, and so she became Episcopalian. But she didn't care about that she was actually never really religious. She moved into Montpelier with Madison and her sister Anna, who helped her with a lot of the other things I'm going to talk about, but she doesn't come up in name very often, and went from being a part of her family that freed slaves to owning over 100 human beings.
yeah, it doesn't get much better in terms of that from there. When Madison became Secretary of State to Thomas Jefferson, an 1801. Dolley became the unofficial First Lady because Jefferson's wife had already died. She never held an official title in his household but whenever he needed a female co host, he called on her. In addition to playing co host She also played a large role in the fundraising for the Louisiana Purchase, like they were buds She also became the hostess at the alternative social hub of washington dc which was out of her Madison's home. Now that may not seem like a huge deal because women were expected to play hostess back then. But she actually forced people from different parties to socialize with each other. She did not allow them to ended fights or cursing to their or dual. Dolley did not play that game. They've had to be nice to each other when they were in her presence. That's awesome. So the only reason shit got done was because Dolley made them hang out and I feel like it was one big get along shirt
like oh no, not Dolley's house. You don't don't know why. But imagine her like walking up behind Jefferson smacking with a little
Oh, I don't know why that made me think of this, but she was known for her style. So she would wear like the Jane Austen he kind of dresses at the time but she'd wear them a little more colorful. And she also wore a turban like a full blown turban everywhere it became her her trademark style. She was generally well liked because she actually actually had opinions and voiced them. But she did so in a way that didn't scare people. Jefferson, however, was not a fan of social customs. And he started what I referred to yesterday to you as the world's dumbest scandal called the Mary affair. And er, why? Because he was supposed to he was going into a dinner and you're supposed to escort the wife of the highest powered diplomat that's there, but he wanted Dolley to walk in with him. So Donnelly was like, dude, you can't do that. And he insisted, he's the president, blah, blah, blah. So she walked in with him, which pissed off the British ambassador Anthony Mary, because obviously, now back then they didn't have texting, they didn't have email. So they went back to the UK. And were, by all accounts in many ways, these were guys representing the head but one was the head of this nation. He was kind of in place of the king so it was almost like he defended the King of England and tensions were already pretty high. However, was like, Oh shit, we can't let this happen. So she decided to befriend Elizabeth married via the wife of a Spanish Ambassador who was in our country after that, and got her to bring messages to the Mary's and apologize to this end and when the Mary's came back she had them over for dinner at her house. So she actually stopped what could have been a major battle or even war with England, all based on Jefferson wanting to walk into a room with her rather than a British lady. That is nice. I don't know if Jefferson was invited to the dinner with the Mary's but I have a feeling he was a bad houseguest. So I doubt it
was always like, you know, declaring the independence of the mashed potatoes. That's that was bad. Well, embrace that.
Yes, he just declared independence from everything. Like this is my that's the opposite of independence. He was eloquent he can get away with it.
eloquent and French and English and writing with bullpens and book languages. That's probably something that's not true that I learned in history.
It probably is not true.
Although I do remember learning outside of history class that he had a full dinosaur skeleton in his office. I hope that's true. It probably is. I do know that George Washington never knew about dinosaurs.
George Washington never knew about dinosaurs?
Dinosaurs were discovered after he died. Dude that that gives you like a really bizarre view on how recent things are too doesn't it?
Yeah. Oh my god that is Rollo didn't know about dinosaurs either.
He was a dinosaur.
He probably Well, I mean, even though a lot of things he I mean, he was just an uneducated Viking. He was really good at anything.
Excuse me, Dolley Madison to by all accounts didn't have any formal education either. She was definitely on school by 15. Oh, James Madison became president in 1804. And Captain at top, Tom, I think it's what I meant to right here. tingy of the Washington Navy Yard asked if they could have a dance and a dinner and celebration. Dolley was like, Yes, let's do that and help set it up and had 4400 guests and it became the first inaugural ball and everything but now suddenly started that along with this Captain tingy pingy, whose first name is probably not ton, Dolley, then read it the public rooms of the White House and began hosting weekly parties called squeezes. Because they were so crowded with people from all political parties. Like I said, she made them play nice. And you didn't want to not go because you don't want another party, another person to be in favor. So they became really, really packed. She also would shame at people who refused to come because they didn't like her husband's politics by making sure all the parties were ragers and ensuring that his supporters had a really good time, it showed up and even greater numbers. So she said such a rallying of our party has alarmed then meeting his detractors to overturn. So she was like, All right, you guys aren't going to come. I'm going to invite more people on my husband's side, maybe he'll start to like you even less. So she shaved the Back in the coming she would also flat out chill with the men there this wasn't a minimum one rooms women in the other room thing even bonding with were hot congressman Henry Clay by dipping snuff with him. They actually came to like agreements over stuff over a snuff box people referring to it as her magic Smash. And she also does a lot of people jobs in the government who just came to her and asked for help discreetly she would find them jobs. So she actually helped shape the government's cool. Then the British can burn Washington. Oh, yeah. Holy control thing. Yeah. So the Madison's moved into the octagon house. They ran off in the dead of night from the White House moved into this octagon house. It's still there at 1799 New York Avenue Northwest and Foggy Bottom which is part of DC. It's like just on the street, kind of like the parent sisters houses in England. You can just walk past it. It's really neat. It has actually been serving as the French consulate at the time to protect it from destruction by the British because the British were under instructions to not destroy any private residences. So the Dolley Madison reportedly said her pet parrot there when the word initially broke out to make sure the parrot was stay. She stayed in the White House where she knew she was in danger. But she saved her parrot, which I think is amazing because we would do that.
I mean, absolutely. That's like
would never have a parrot
though. It's like, we got some of the cat someplace safe that could be dangerous here. Even Draco,
please God is our brave one. She's so brave and so stupid. The War of 1812 was actually ended in the upstairs study of the octagon house. And the Madison paid the owners $500 for the six months they with it. Obviously, all of this meant that people who didn't like Jefferson or Madison began to spread that she was using her feminine wiles to make these successes happen, because it couldn't possibly be that people just liked her. Oh, no. They also sort of think that Jefferson and Madison were more than friends. Because that made Dolley look bad. She can't keep her man happy to the point where he has to take solace in another man's arms.
So she was using her feminine Wiles. But she's not woman enough to keep her man. And the same time.
Dolley basically rolled her eyes at all of this and just kept things going after Madison's presidency and did an 1816 they returned to Montpellier and can she continued her duties as hostess and helped Madison organize the notes on the constitutional convention which detailed the founding of our government. Madison Of course got increasingly ill. So she cared for him while she was managing the household and continuing to run all social events. She was awarded an honorary seat in Congress. Yeah, so she was technically I think the first woman in Congress.
Oh, and she was the first private citizen to send a message via telegraph.
she they were friends with Samuel Morse.
Oh, it was what she was.
So he came to her like, I want you to send the first civilian message from my telegraph. So that was her
She introduced a lot of important people to other important people, including presidents and the wife and she helped later first ladies learn how to do the job. However, they also had a lot of problems including bad crops, and her son pain having a gambling problem and all of them landing him in debtors prison. And over the course of all of this time, costing the family $40,000, which is about a million dollars now
they had to sell land and Kentucky and mortgage half of Montpelier to pay his debts.
Yeah, I'd be like, peace out, Girl Scout, he wouldn't be around anymore.
That's her only son,
and, and he sucks and
Madison died in 36. After he died, she copied her husband's papers for editing and publishing and made a little bit of money that way, but not as much as she hoped. And so she moved back from Montpelier to DC selling Montpellier in the process to help pay to exist. However, she didn't free her enslaved people. She sold some with the home game Some to her super awesome son and kept some for herself. Dude. One of the people she forced to come with her was Paul Jennings, who became her Butler and was forced to leave his family behind in Virginia. Oh, come on, so she like sold his family with the house or to her son and kept him. Paul Jennings would go on to later write a book about his experiences working with her and Washington DC at that time in general. And she ended up selling Paul Jennings to Daniel Webster
with Daniel Webster as in like the dictionary yet,
he ultimately allowed him to earn his freedom through the work that he did. So it's like you do X amount of work, but you'll ultimately for you. So that's what happened to Paul Jennings in the end. Paul Jennings though would bring like things of food to Dolley Madison from Webster because she was really poor like dirt poor at the time, and he felt so bad for her that Paul Jennings the person she had separated from his family and forced to work for her, gave her money out of his own pocket. Wow, that's How about off Dolley Madison was, which also kind of shows that she wasn't heated even by her enslaved people, even by Paul Jennings. At that point he felt so bad for he was like, here's my money. Dolley Madison died at her home in 1849 at the age of 81. She was buried in DC but was ultimately buried next to Madison at Montpelier. Now, let's talk a little bit about the myths. Okay, the first one is, of course, that she was the first to introduce ice cream to the White House. That was one of the cute things I learned when I was in school. Yeah, there's a copy of Jefferson ice cream recipe in the Library of Congress. Oh, and there is evidence that the Washington served it as well.
Oh, actually fun thing. I don't know if this is true or not. But I read that Jefferson invented macaroni and cheese. He brought over like pasta bread pasta making to America and was a big fan of macaroni and cheese sauce. So Jefferson invented macaroni and cheese.
If that's true, that's his greatest accomplishment. I mean, so much greater than America
was the invention of macaroni Fucking cheese.
That would be more important invention America at any point in our history.
Yeah. Great guy stop scratching Chair. Thank you sir. It was also rumored that she started the Easter Egg Roll but there was no lawn to do it on at the time.
Was it because it was on fire?
Yes, it was Easter Egg Roll and but the background of flames
out theme from national treasure.
So they're trying to do the Easter Egg Roll while the British troops are coming.
It's like so there's children that they've got easter eggs.
That's how we got hard boiled eggs the first time and they also would teach that she was the reason that the Star Spangled Banner got wrote because she convinced Madison to let Francis Scott Key go on to the troops ship to seek their friends freedom when he's all that stuff. And we saw no evidence about that either. Kind of hope that one's true.
It might be I mean, she Okay, she knew everybody. So she'll first telegraph. She knew Daniel Webster. Oh, yeah, she knew everybody so that might that honestly just might be true.
Honestly out of everybody back then it was a slow burn but especially her I think, now regarding the portrait, which is the biggest story she's known for, you know, as the British burned the White House around her she demanded that this portrait of George Washington be saved. You know, the one where he's looking kind of at the artist has his hand up. It's like, What the fuck are you guys doing?
It looks pretty ripped on the bottom of it till
that actually, I don't know for sure. But they did have to rip it rip it out of its frame because it was burning too quickly. And they needed to save the portrait so they couldn't nail it from the wall. They just had to break the frame and pull it out. So if it's got a rip in it, that's probably why actually so she supposedly was like, we need
to save the proletariat because of the symbol of America.
And then she ran off into a carriage by herself and got two men to take it. Well, she and they those two men came on later, like we did that ourselves. You didn't do that. And she was like to the newspapers. No, I told you to do that. I deserved my credit.
Well, Paul Jenningssaid that she only saved the silver She had nothing to do with the portray. And that doorkeeper Jhansi saw it and the gardener Thomas McGraw were the ones who saved it, and still send it off to those men for safekeeping, which really says something if his story is true about hierarchies because this formerly enslaved man wrote know these two guys who were household servants I don't know if they were slaves or not, I couldn't find that actually saved it. In a time when women were still such lower members of society. She's still ranked higher than the servants to the point where she was given credit for them risking their lives for a painting.
So I'm just imagining lady Grantham doing all of this at this point.
Yeah, cuz she would have actually ordered it saved. I don't think she would have I think she would have bet shakeela she would have made Thomas think
that when they asked questions she's been snapped up with that fans wait other self well wearing an awesome hat. Awesome turban Maggie Smith. I know we've never met before. But if you would so kindly and very pleased to be in a Dolley Madison movie. I would much appreciate Thank
you. Austin would leave me for you in a second Maggie Smith. I've known Austin since we were 17. And he has been in love with you this whole time.
Now, all of this Dolley Madison try proved in quotation marks that she saved it by having her friend Margaret bear Smith, Bayard Smith, who was a journalist printed letter that she had written at the time, which she got ahold of and edited down. So whether or not she saved the portrait, we actually don't know. Shemight have had a hand in it she might not have what we know is that the portrait was saved as Washington DC and the White House specifically were burned. We do know that servants were the ones who had to get it out of the frame and basically rip it out to do so. We just don't actually know if Dolley Madison had anything to do with it or if she just saved the silver and that is the main thing. You're talking about her in school.
So she had all of this stuff where she was basically the society Glue that held together Washington. But we learned that she claimed to have saved the painting that she probably didn't say,
yeah, this woman formed the government in a very real way and got opposing parties to talk and get along and was, I believe the first woman to have any kind of seat in Congress. But we learned that she might have saved a picture and invented ice cream or something.
But she didn't invent ice cream. She just brought it to the White House. That's like Jefferson had it Jefferson they already had ice cream. So she didn't bring it to the White House. It was already there. But what comes down to is we just have to even brings a milkshake to the yard. It was already there. Jefferson was like it's better than yours.
Which is how she got the feminine wiles accusations.
Now, I think she is just the first one we have a like menu from showing but she started ice cream and it was pink,
the ice cream or the menu
the ice cream. I don't call it a mini was
okay good because like people menu's that's very good. She was quite fashionable.
And after all of this I told you I'd get to the ghosts
I mean obviously Dolley had a world war two ship named after her and she was in the first group of Virginia women in history inaugural
inaugural class but was North Carolina.
Yeah, she was originally from North Carolina which is most likely Virginia and DC okay. However, more importantly, Dolley is still around. And she is actually one of the most seen ghosts ghosts, ghosts in DC and she
is the most mobile ghost I've ever heard of. of Chris she is she knew everybody.
Firstly, there's the octagon house which is supposed to be one of the most if not the most haunted house in Washington DC. She likes to hang out in the drawing room and in the front hall and you can always smell lilacs when she's around. She also guards the White House, Rose Garden, because one of the other stories on her is that she was the first one to put in the Rose Garden. Remember though, it's not the same white house now. Yeah, I think burned it down.
I mean, you know, roses, you can transplant them pretty easily,
but there's no evidence that she was the first one to actually put them. But in theory, she actually scared away a later first lady from the Rose Garden because she wanted to take off the Rose Garden. So don't know something's out there. And then she's also spotted on the porch of the cuts Madison house where she lived at the end of her life. So you walk around DC got any one of these places? There's a good chance we'll see Dolley hanging around.
Do you think Dolley Madison is counting the White House currently?
Yeah, I'd imagine so. Oh, I'm so sorry Dolley Madison ghost
must be awful for you.
I was actually looking at trying to find more information about people who've seen her and stuff. I did find a pretty good It wasn't her but it was the bush daughters and hearing ghosts and seeing ghosts in like their bedrooms. Until that where they actually went to one of the people who had worked in the White House for a really long time one of the house servants it just like you won't believe what we have on here. And you guys You would not believe what I've seen and heard and all the years I've been here I don't care if you guys believe in ghosts or not there's no way you can't believe that the White House isn't haunted just because of all the high emotional stuff that's happened there and all the important people who have been there it just always bothered me were like this person haunted him like they never lived there. They never went there wasn't built yet. I heard about
hear about Abraham Lincoln's ghost being there but I've heard about
Yeah, there are a lot of ghosts there so many ghosts.
Do you think there's so many ghosts because dynatrace and it's just such a good hostess that these guys keep showing up?
We haven't we never published that episode. Isn't bird bear?
Oh, no, that's there was a bear involved.
There was a bear involved. There's a bear with the Tower of London.
Yep. Are you ready for some questions?
I am ready for some questions.
Will the fact that Dolley played first lady to both Jefferson and Madison be on the test? Yes. Will the possible myth myths possible facts about ice cream Francis Scott Key and the Washington portrait be On the test as facts,
those will be on the tests as facts.
Will the fact that she was raised to not own slaves and then owned a shit ton of them as an adult be able to test Oh, god
And will the fact that Dolley Madison was given a ceremonial seat in Congress be on
the test? No, really have charisma. It's like it was just it was a ceremonial seat and then they like, then we'll take away from like the actual first woman to become in Congress, which I guess is after they stopped giving it to her about history because it's after spring break.
So that's all I have for you today. What did you learn about Dolley Madison?
I learned that she threw the best parties and basically made all of washington dc get along, otherwise they could not come to her great parties.
She was the most popular kid in school without bullying anybody for their lunch money. I mean,
she might have bullied people for their lunch money. How do you think she paid for the Louisiana Purchase? She was like, sub Adams nerd. Give me your lunch. money because john adams was a nerd.
Jefferson standing in the back he's definitely not the lead believes like, get him don't get him.
So Jefferson was like the guy beside glasses the basketball. Dolley was like give me too much money. Yeah, give Dolley best. Yeah. I guess what I've learned today also is that Dolley Madison is going to come in hot because I have this merged her so I'm very sorry Dolley, not run by Jefferson
Jefferson invented sunglasses. He did it. No, that's not true as far as I know. Don't answer that on the test. Yeah, Jefferson invented sunglasses. He also invented snapping
Jefferson invented the dinosaur.
So what did you learn about Rollo the walker?
In 66 for the first time ever, you had to learn that before it's like if I did, it was never focused on Enough for sticking my brain English history class.
That's like one of the important England dates
Margaret Thatcher is the only thing that's ever happened to England Austin
did She's not even the worst thing that's happening with anymore. The only thing it is all is Margaret Thatcher. Margaret Thatcher is all
that's what I discovered the website is Margaret Thatcher dead yet exists.
It but if your question is Margaret Thatcher dead yet.
I also learned about a wall of dead animals which I'm going to have nightmares about tonight.
Now this can't have been the first of all a dead animals
probably not the last either.
Nope. Well, that's what I'm gonna take away from this too. Thanks a lot.
Before I forget, we want to give a shout out to the hi everybody a bad medicine podcast for having us do their intro this past week we introduced their hobbies and shot episode
which hugs me shy. It's the spin off of Fast and Furious That everybody didn't know they wanted until it came out.
And we haven't gotten to see it yet. We saw Dr. Sleep this weekend instead.
Oh, Dr. Sleep was amazing. But like actual amazing, not like Fast and Furious. I want to see a car explode and someone talked about family,
but they are a podcast where they look at medical procedures done in films and review them for actors. So give them a listen as well. And we also want to do another hello to our new people who have followed us on Facebook. I think we're at 96 people now
96 people we might bring 100 by the time this comes out.
Yeah, come follow us. We're on email@example.com slash on the test pod. We are also on Twitter at on the test pod and we Facebook and tweet about a whole bunch of stuff not just our amazing ideas and brilliant commentaries.
You also might see pictures of adorable cats
or memes I really enjoy good meme or adorable cat memes if
the internet really for podcasts. isn't just about
cat means. I mean, the internet has two things and only two things, podcasts and cat means nothing else, children.
We have the whole of human knowledge available in our pockets.
And that is always of my God.
But there's like, did you see that cat cinderblock who they're trying to get exercise on that treadmill? And there was she was just like tapping the edge of it like bialik. It's like, get me out of this. Get me out of this. And it was the cutest.
I understand her on a spiritual level. Oh,
yes, cinder block is all of us.
There's also a cat that I showed you the other day named do Oh, who has two phases of Venus. So she has one head. She's not a conjoined twin. But she has two functional mouth and she has three eyes. And I was reading about her and I'm like, Oh, she has the same problems as rgg
but Gigi has no two faces excuse. Gigi is she's from according to situation. She is. She is the most beautiful cat. But Laura Cheatham
Yeah, she can't quite figure out the letterbox we've tried everything. We've even had a behaviorist out and they built around her house to like you have done everything we would have suggested you do although we're trying one of those indoor grass spots that they use for dogs will knock on wood, hopefully find a solution because we
have wooden floors. So on that note,
Will This Be On the Test 56:19
Transcribed by https://otter.ai