Will This Be on the Test? Transcripts
Hi everybody and welcome to Will This Be On the Test? I Maddie, I'm Austin, and we are in week 73 of this corn teen.
It's I don't think I can remember what the outside of my house looks like.
I actually what is it for me? Am I entering a month this week?
I'm hitting I know I'm hitting week three.
So yeah, I was I've been a week longer than he is. Yeah, entering a month, man.
But don't worry. It's only going on until June.
Oh God, I think we'll be lucky if it only goes on until June. That's right. Well, welcome to our happy happy show guys. We're here escaping from reality
by hearing us talk about the same stark reality you're trying to escape.
I'll tell you Germany's kicking ass at this.
I'm not surprised if someone's gonna be very organized about it. It's gonna be Germany. It's
gonna be Angola Merkel.
Oh my god. Why don't we have her as president?
My husband she just annexed us if I understood everything from history classes that you can just annex other countries if you feel like having them.
She's practicing proper social distancing so she's not going to fly over here and plant a flag and say this is my now
she's because she's saying social distancing from Trump since day one, and not just have this whole virus just since day one.
I'm glad milania finally has a valid excuse for not wanting to hold his hand in public. It's like no, it's not because I hate you. It's because I'm social distancing. You worm.
I still think it's like a Paul McCartney situation where she died and they've replaced her with someone else. I never explained that to you after last week.
No, you didn't. I've been waiting an entire week to hear you explain. Paul McCartney being dead and you never did it. I?
So basically, there was this whole conspiracy theory that Paul McCartney when he was like, really young, after the Beatles have formed he was part of the Beatles died. And they replaced him with a look alike. And in one of the records and you play it backwards, it says something like Paul is dead.
But it's like you can't plan that though. That's like insane that you could think someone could put up subliminal backwards message and a record and it would like do things.
Well, no, they plan it like they did after Paul supposedly died. And there are some pictures where Paul looks pretty different before and after. But also, I would imagine doing a whole lot of acid can change your appearance after a while. It's like,
Are you saying the natural process of aging can change someone's face?
It wasn't that long between the two pictures.
I mean, there's some pictures of me where like they've been taken minutes apart. And in one I look like I'm 70.
But in most if your beard is gone, you look like you're 12 Yeah, and it makes it really, really creepy for me to be married to
Unknown Speaker 2:39
it's always creepy to be married to me.
So I have this picture of the two of us that I love because I look super cute in it. And it's probably the one that I would share on our social media of us be like, Look, this is what we look like except he doesn't have a beard and he's closer to the camera. So all you can see is this 12 year old guy looking at you. Maybe we can Photoshop your beard on it.
At work we we've been getting bored because we're doing a whole work from home thing. So we had a meeting on Friday we said we're only going to dress up in formal clothes. I just put on one of our Harry Potter Snuggies, it's got like the tie in school uniform on it.
So you own bow ties. Why would you not wear a bow tie? Because it was cold. You could put the Snuggie um, after your formal meeting, you didn't wear a Snuggie to prom and you were fine.
I did wear a study to prom. You were there.
I was there and you were not wearing a Snuggie I did duct tape from them that is hot and uncomfortable. do not recommend, especially if you lose, which we did not mean Austin.
Unknown Speaker 3:38
Yeah, we would have won we would have we would have so incredibly one.
So speaking of records, playing backwards with evil messages on it, what are
you talking about today? Actually, I'm glad we had that little segue because I'm going to talk about a little bit about the satanic panic, but specifically Dungeons and Dragons.
So are we talking about like actual dragons that have been found in dungeons Are we talking about the evil satanic game that summons the devil?
Well actually, it's we're talking about the very boring role playing game Dungeons and Dragons in which a bunch of friends sit around a table and pretend that they are other people and they roll dice determine how good they are at doing things.
Now, here's the deal. If you're a d&d player, you might be offended by what he just said. What do you do every other Monday, Austin, I played Dungeons and
Dragons every other Monday and it's a blast. And I would right now, you can do you can play Dungeons and Dragons online super easily. And if you are bored and missing your friends, maybe set up a d&d night.
I love Dungeons and Dragons too, but I think I'm cursed because my d&d groups always explode. Yes, they don't just dissolve. they explode. They do. So I am not currently playing a game and it's bumming me out. Oh my god. So we did that psychometrics. Take this quiz and it lists like 503 people like in order of how similar you are to them, their TV and But characters and stuff and then we took it for each other, like our interpretation of how the other person should answer. Almost every single one often got for me was the bad guy.
Various is not a bad guy. Okay, he's a bad guy.
Like for me my number one was Miss norbury his number one for me was various from Game of Thrones.
Yep, the only non villain in her top 10 was Sheldon Cooper, who is arguably the villain of Big Bang Theory. krupke
cryptokey is the villain of Big Bang Theory. Hmm, yeah, I was when I did it. For me. My number one her big bang theory with Amy Farrah Fowler. And I was offended. I was legitimately offended by this. Um, excuse me. My number one for big bang theory was
Unknown Speaker 5:49
And when I took it, I got Luna lovegood or Arthur Weasley because I took it twice because you know, I forgot the results who had a better one. So I went took it again. And I was either Arthur Weasley or Luna lovegood. So I'm pretty proud of that one.
I do love Luna. Look, I love Arthur Weasley like that guy. That guy like, the amount of curiosity he showed about other other cultures around him. And yeah, sometimes he fucked up in the way that he handled that curiosity. But it was so well intentioned, and
listeners of this podcast, you can see it right. You can see that it's like, oh, boy, I'm going to talk about this other culture I know nothing about and I've mispronounced every word.
I don't think either of us is talking about an actual different culture today. I mean, France comes up in mind, but France always comes up in some way
that's comes up everywhere. Yeah. So Dungeons and Dragons. All right. Long story short, it was the 1980s which it's probably one of the reasons we don't worry about the schools because it happens. So
didn't dragon start in 1978 or 1979.
It's Dungeons and Dragons started in the 70s. And it started out as like a as a tabletop war. Game simulator where people move around little miniatures and roll dice determine how good people how good their troops do and try and reenact historical battles on tables. Oh, that's cool. I like that started out as that then they decided to turn it into a system where they'd follow around instead of like an entire army or a group. They'd follow around one specific person and have them grow over time and roleplay them doing stuff. And that's how dungeons dragons was born. My dad was an early adopter of Dungeons and Dragons. We actually had the first edition box set. Cool,
but it's gone now. Yeah, I'm not gonna go into why it's gone. You still have the minis from it, though? I do. And I'm so protective of them. I also have the original set of dice in my dice bag. And I get so concerned after every time we play like I make sure that they're all still there because they're my lucky dice.
Yes, they're very lucky cuz she rolls stupid. Well, so yeah, long story short. This is a very 1980 story, and it's probably silty recently about even though it was 40 years ago.
Hey, hey, we aren't 40 yet and we were born in the 80s
the Panic panic and all of this, like, you know, moral concern stuff really was kind of a combination of three things happening at the same time. It was a combination of the war on drugs in which everyone was very concerned about one little thing can send your kids off on these dark paths will start doing drugs and ruin their lives and die in a gutter.
You know, what did that for a lot of kids the dare program, the
dare program? So it was like, you know, parents are like what you know where your children are, and everyone very concerned about what their kids are up to? And the thought that one little mistake or one thing going wrong can ruin your child's life, combined with the rise of the evangelical right, which, you know, they also went after music and entertainment too, because you know, those were morally bankrupting the youth, like famously like a band boycott brought before court because a parent insisted that subliminal messages in their records cause their kid to commit suicide.
Oh, I mean, that's a very sad situation and I can understand them wanting to find someone To blame, especially because a lot of parents feel like that's their fault. And, you know, this fault of his depression and other mental health issues. Yeah,
but it was not nearly as well understood. And the third big factor in the satanic panic was actually the rise of the Church of Satan. Which, okay, the Church of Satan is not we're gonna sacrifice some goats on the altar and like praise the dark gods. It is a bunch of trolls. These were like the these are like the predecessors of the internet trolls. They were just
Yeah, no, they're still around. They're still around. They actually do like a lot of charity. We
do a lot of charity work. They do good good stuff. But it's like the they're a good example is a courthouse. I think it was an Alabama made it so that you could have religious statues in public spaces. So the Church of Satan paid for and had a statue of Bahamut go ahead and put up in a courthouse because it was completely within the law. So that's the kind of stuff they did. The Church of Satan and the vigil right threw a fit about it. And it was very concerned about devil worship and like, you know, Satan everywhere because they become popular and they're in the news a lot of times.
I'm doing a bench of supernatural because I was so far behind. I was a I was like a first generation watcher of that show. And then you know, life happened. And I just got to this episode where some people summon Satan. And he shows up and he looks around he goes, are these really my worshippers these days? Oh, that's a bummer.
Yeah, and long story short, it was all Ronald Reagan's fault. All of this is like ronald reagan is like, we hate
Unknown Speaker 10:37
planes so much,
so much on Reagan. Reagan was like, all of it.
Oh, but can we really blame it on Reagan if the commonly held belief that he had early stages of Alzheimer's?
Yes, because he didn't always have early stages of Alzheimer's
his whole life he did from day one.
Of course, you know, parents were also scared. As you'll notice, even with modern people, they don't want to blame themselves for anything going wrong because it came Be there parenting. So obviously it has to be this new thing they don't understand. And you'll still see that today with video games or cell phones,
or you know, the old fallback.
The teachers, the teachers know, it's those, it's those, it's those dang screens. These kids, these kids are just looking these screens all day and they don't even know what to do. So we're gonna start off with really the first case in this and that is the case of Dallas eggbert I love it. This at age 15 Dallas Egbert was a Michigan State College student who went missing in 1979. His family hired an investigator to look for him because he'd been gone. They didn't know where he was. And this is an adult so no one's looking. Oh, he was 15
Oh, I thought you said he was a college student.
Yeah, he was a 15 year old college student.
Unknown Speaker 11:43
Oh, damn, son. Yeah. So he was he was a prodigy. He
was a brick, a bright kid. And he went missing. So his family hired investigator to look for him because you know, the cops weren't really getting anywhere with it.
So this is still back in the days. We're like, Oh, he's just a runaway all kids are runaways. Yep.
So they hired an investigator. William deer during this investigations he found out that young Egbert played Dungeons and Dragons dun dun dun. They also found what looked like some pushpins in a board that resembled a map of the steam tunnels underneath the university
with this steam. I have questions about steam tunnels now
it's basically like, it's like sewer tunnels, but for the steam pipes provide the heating and stuff for all the buildings. Okay, yeah, steam tunnels. So he, this might be a map of that. So he made this logical conclusion that Egbert and his friends are playing Dungeons and Dragons in the dangerous steam tunnels, and either he got so caught up in dungeons and dragons, he killed himself, or he got lost playing down there and starve to death or, like, you know, something went wrong when they're playing this game and he died and they hit his body down there.
I see. I kind of feel like there's probably maintenance guys who checked the steam tunnels once in a while.
You'd think that So naturally, the news media ate this up and there was like no big like, We're going into the steam tunnels to try and find him thing. There. camera crews running around all over the place. Didn't find them down there, shockingly, because he wasn't there. He actually had tried to kill himself several days before he went missing, but it failed. And he wasn't esteem pedals when he did that, because it was quiet and alone. And he was a scared and alone teenager
Unknown Speaker 13:17
going to college.
Yeah. And he tried, he tried to kill himself that failed. So he went and hung out at a friend's house. And then he went to a game convention in Indianapolis.
Unknown Speaker 13:27
So he was okay.
He was fine. Then after that, because they were so looking for him. He went to New Orleans, where eventually he finally like, gave in and called the investigator to come pick him up.
You know, I feel bad for this kid. Like, there's so much pressure on being a teenager to have in the first place, but to be a teenager in college with kids who are up to 10 years older than you Yeah, it's hard. I mean, and,
um, he, they tracked up his suicide, and he actually did end up killing himself a year later, with a gunshot wound from an unsecured family gun
six Your your guns secure
your guns, people and
especially if you've got someone in your house with a history of suicidal tendency and the he didn't
tell the investigator this but he investigated and repeat it until after his death where he said the reasons for a suicide attempt and runaway were polite parental pressure, depression and loneliness. And just like you know, isolation and being in a new strange place that he wasn't handling well, so all understandable things, none of them related to Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, I want to give this kid a hug. I'm sad for him now. But it did start a panic that Dungeons and Dragons was poisoning kids minds. And then the investigator William deer wrote a book called the dungeon master about this case in his disappearance, in which he made lots of like, you know, weird leaps about how people played Dungeons and Dragons, and kept all the stuff in about how Dungeons and Dragons was a factor in all of this, even though there was zero evidence from any of this that actually supported that claim.
So I wanted to hug the kid this guy, I want to take away any opportunities for hugs. I don't care if he's dead. Now. I want to Yeah negate all hugs. He got
the Yeah, the book was just a game of d&d that went too far even against all this evidence and but still the stuff about the real tangible stuff was still in it. But he put Dungeons and Dragons as a higher factor in this thing, even though he was just a lonely kid. He played d&d. So he wrote this book and it inspired another book called mazes and monsters by Ronnie Jaffe I've heard of this one. It is a about how a bunch of college students playing an RPG in the steam tunnels beneath their college. And one of the students has a mental breakdown and eventually kills himself and descends into madness. Well descends into madness thing kills himself. It was this book was a big enough hit that CBS actually bought the rights to it and made a TV movie out of it.
Unknown Speaker 15:42
I feel like I've seen this movie, you know who
and to top it all off. You know who started this movie?
Tom Cruise. It seems like something Tom Cruise would do.
You are so incredibly close, but so wrong. Tom Hanks? No. And this okay, you can watch clips of this on YouTube and I would absolutely do it because you can See Tom Hanks in like this big moment in which his friends are trying to use like, you know, he says like no I can fly I can I can cast spells and his friends are trying to use the rules against him no you can't you don't have enough man appoints and you can see Tom Hanks like giving this speech no I can fly I can do it it's like with it's not just a game he turns to like it's just a game. You can see Tom Hanks just hating every moment.
Unknown Speaker 16:25
Sometimes you just gotta get paid and I mean
that's how oh god what's her name ended up in Christian mingle the movie Lacy Cheb air AC ship air. If you've not seen Christian mingle the movie unless you hate yourself, don't watch it.
Oh, God, it was awful. And we'd loved it. Because we Oh, it was so in. The big theme of this, of course was the people being unable to tell fantasy from reality, which again, you'll still see when people complain about violent video games.
There are developmental stages where that is a real thing. It is not Your teenage years note for the most part, if your kid is still having struggles, differentiating fiction from reality when they are middle of high school aged, please get them help. Please like, don't be afraid you're not a bad parent for getting your child help. But,
you know, there's like little free comics that people will give you about how what you're doing is gonna send you to hell and Jesus hates you. Oh, yeah. Well, they're all written by this guy called jack chick. And he wrote one about Dungeons and Dragons at this time because you know, it was the big evil everyone was worried about and it was called dark dungeons. Are you ready for the synopsis of this? Because it's nuts. I
sure am. Okay,
it's about two girls who start playing a role playing game together.
Wait Girls, Girls already unbelievable.
Oh, I'm sorry. Weren't you part of a all girl Dungeons and Dragons group for a while mostly girl I was running.
Yeah, because you're the patriarchy. So of course you're in charge.
Unknown Speaker 17:58
Oh my god. What's the Patriot? I was literally the patriarchy.
Yeah, because it's rolling all of our action.
And you and you guys were fighting against the patriarchy in it too. Oh my god, I was the patriarchy. So two girls, how cuz they start playing this dungeon, dungeons dragons, they get very obsessed with it and naturally because because they're playing in it, they start going to say tannic rituals with it's like, we're like 20 or 30 people are standing around in black robes around the pentagram and like chanting and sacrificing goats and pledging their service to the Dark Lord.
See, I never ended my games of Dungeons and Dragons that way that's always tetherball ended. Is that not how that's supposed to happen?
Yeah, it's like you hit the ball, back, hit it. Fourth hit it back, you hit fourth, then you pledge yourself to be above the Lord of the Flies. And yeah, that's how that's how it always ends.
I mean, that's how I ended up being really good at tetherball because
Satan liked me best and then the loser gets sucked into the eternal pits of dark damnation and torture.
See that never happened with mine.
Maybe you're doing it wrong. I must have been You're doing clockwise or counterclockwise?
Um, let's see. I was usually I'm right handed, so I was usually going clockwise. That's why Oh, damn it. So you can only really make this work if you're a lefty.
Yeah. Ah, that's why. That's why in ancient in Latin left is sinister now, you know, huh? Yep. And then they continue to play Dungeons and Dragons and worship Satan until one of their characters dies. Mm hmm. And she's just so upset by this. she kills herself because her character died, her beloved character who she was playing in dungeons and dragons died. So naturally, she was just so upset. She had to kill herself. Yes, that's how that works. That's exactly how that works. Because there's a spell that you know, it's called resurrection, which just brings your dead person back to life.
And it's basically if I understand it, if you got the certain kind of dm, they'll just let it happen.
Yeah, Dungeon Master secret here. Usually you got plans, and if a specific character dies, it's like, I don't wanna have to rewrite this. I'm just gonna let them come back.
Let's see I've had one character full on die. I've had one another character who was my favorite get sucked into some kind of this in between worlds and then my group exploded and I don't know if she ever got out.
Oh, no, we may never know. Yeah, I've had a
Unknown Speaker 20:21
Bronwyn, come back was that Brahman Brahman? Yeah,
I haven't had any like really memorable player deaths for myself but when I was running a game, the absolute dumbest death I've ever seen was when it wasn't dungeons dragons. It was a different game in which we were all like genetically engineered super soldiers and in a sci fi future. One of them had a jump a jet pack. So he jumped out of the airplane and landed on the ground safely. The other guy said, it's like, oh, I'm just gonna jump out too. It's like you have a jet pack. It's like no, it's like where you're gonna take away the parachutes? No, so he just jumped 300 feet and died immediately.
The one character I remember dying was my first ever game of Dungeons and Dragons, and We were doing a pre planned kind of thing and the DM expected us to die. And I'm not exaggerating about six hours before the game and this was a 12 hour session.
Oh God, those are nightmares
because my character again, first time ever playing, I was playing a rogue and I spent most of my time in like stealth mode so that no one could hear me or really see me unless I wanted them to. And we were fighting this like giant or troll or something. And I kept holding my turn and holding my turn and holding my turn and then all of a sudden, I felt lucky. So I took my turn, rolled a natural 20 and B headed it and then so the game had to keep going, we finally get to the last place and he's like, Okay, I've got to kill these people now. And so there was a box that these Harlequins
Unknown Speaker 21:50
kept coming out of I know it's this is a lot of us was pretty Home Brewed stuff, so I have no idea
this was but you weren't there. Yeah, I wasn't. But it's like these like gesture clown things and hundreds of them and hundreds of them. And my our entire group starts dying. I think there were nine of us playing and dying and dying, dying and I just wouldn't die. And I just kept like taking little fuckers out. He was so mad.
It's fun. You should play it, I recommend it. And of course, naturally, the surviving girl was so shocked by her friend's death that she went and found Jesus and vowed never to play Dungeons and Dragons again,
was Jesus the final dragon she had to fight in one of the dungeons? No,
wait, that'd be great. That would be great. And of course, naturally, the other girl went to hell because she killed herself and animals worshipping Satan. And they show that was comic because that's what these comics are.
So basically though she was worshipping Satan, she got exactly what she
wanted. So she won the game. She won the game.
Unknown Speaker 22:47
She got to go to hell and hang out with Satan.
Yeah, that's exactly what you want.
Unknown Speaker 22:50
That was the message that this was Sunday. Yeah, it's like boom. It's like
she found a way to win in dungeons and
Unknown Speaker 22:54
dragons. She literally won the game. Wow.
This was also adapted into a movie in 2016. But it was a very tongue in cheek look at it because these kids playing these role playing games were the really popular bad boys. And like they're the kids who were too popular to be kicked out of school and everyone wanted to be them.
Unknown Speaker 23:13
And what movie was this?
It was called Darkest Dungeon.
Unknown Speaker 23:17
How have we not watched about darkest
Darkest Dungeon? It was dark dungeons How
have we not watched this awesome and I go out of our way to watch the worst possible movies
it looked really bad because it was making fun of this guy's entire his book, but he didn't realize it and he gave them the rights to make it. It was kind of like you know, the reefer madness musical. Oh my god, it's so good. It's akin to that
Reefer Madness is based on an actual 1950s film that was shown to like parents about the evils of drugs and all the things that gonna happen to your children, your daughter is gonna become prostitutes and blah, blah, blah, and then everybody's going to die. And there's this amazing musical with Kristen Bell and on a gas tire at it, based really, really closely on this 1950s thing and it is so good you guys should all go watch it reefer madness with Kristen Bell
It was really funny I loved it. So this brings us to you know how there's all of those groups were showing up at this time about people you know concerned about things and these parents reps trying to defend the morality.
People who are worried about stuff
people who are worried about stuff well they had the anti Dungeons and Dragons group called Bad be a DD it was bothered about Dungeons and Dragons.
Unknown Speaker 24:26
He mentioned that to me yesterday and I was like, were they also fest with it?
They they were they were they were quite chuffed. Chapters positive. Oh then I don't know chagrin, chagrined whatever, whatever you English people say to mean just confused us Americans
Unknown Speaker 24:42
fussed with or bothered with, I think so.
They weren't high British people. They were worried about the there's a list demonology Voodoo, witchcraft, murder, rape, blasphemy, suicide, assassination, insanity, sexual perversion, homosexuality, prostitution and Titanic rituals. She had a ritual like things gambling. barbarianism, which I guess there is classical barbarian so kudos you're right there is barbarianism, cannibalism, sadism desecration demon summoning
desecration is a real thing to that's when you loot the bodies.
Yep. Neck romantics which I guess there are necromancers Yeah, yep. divination. Yeah. And other themes.
You know, I'll say I know that rape is a possibility in dungeons and dragons, but every dm I've ever played with that was their line. Yes, you will not have that be part of this game.
Yeah, that's, that's usually a hard line. But again this game it's not like there's a set rule or a set path you go through people can do whatever they want, but unless you're playing with an absolute sociopath, there's lines people don't cross even in these games.
I played with sociopaths, and even that was the line they didn't cross. Yeah, but of course they understand sociopaths understand social rules, they just don't like them.
It was founded by a woman called Patricia poling. After her death he had shot himself in this chair in the chest with his father's unsecured hand gun
Unknown Speaker 26:06
in the chest. Yeah, that's really unusual. His family
had never heard of Dungeons and Dragons until after he had died. They were looking through his notebooks, which I thought was schoolwork, but was actually things from Dungeons and Dragons, which, if you know anybody who plays Dungeons and Dragons, they talk about it a lot. They talk
about it a lot. So they didn't know either. They weren't listening to him or he was afraid of them.
Yeah. First thing I was concerned of. And, you know, they claimed he was perfectly healthy and perfectly mentally healthy, and they didn't understand what went wrong. And they think it was Dungeons and Dragons. And in the same 60 Minutes interview, a minute afterwards, his sister goes on talking about how he threatened to kill her so many times.
So in the same minute afterwards, a minute 61 when they cut off,
yeah, there's the 60 Minutes interview about the evils of Dungeons and Dragons from 1985, which I watched for this and it was nothing has changed at all. It's still the same like seven, seven sensational media stuff but about something in the past. So you could see how ridiculous A lot of it is. Hmm. There's again, lots of stuff to watch in this one. Yeah, this one's a lot more visual than the other ones I've, which is weird because it's just the dragons. And it's all theater of the imagination.
Yeah. And you know, as the theater teacher, I get to hear all about my students Dungeons and Dragons campaigns. And I loved it. Like I love listening to them. And I love that they were taking this time to be creative outside of school.
It's actually being used in schools a lot as a tool, because it's social interaction. It's people interacting, solving problems.
And in many ways, it's no different than those like escape rooms that are so popular right now. You just and even in some of those, you're playing a character. Yeah.
So this group got major national attention, because you know, everyone's worried about Satan. And all of these cases, dozens of cases about teens and adults who had committed suicide murdered someone or all these Titanic rituals started pouring out of the woodwork One guy that one guy claimed that over case over a period of four years had been 24 cases of people in dungeons dragons doing these things. During the time this is happening. Roughly 3 million people played d&d. So fraction of a percent.
Yeah, like we focus on the wrong things even now we focus on the wrong thing. Yes. Like we, this is my little side tangent. I'm sorry. I just find it very upsetting. Whenever there's a mass shooting, we go straight to mental illness. Now, I'm not saying mental illness doesn't play a role. But especially when we tell the public a specific diagnosis, it makes them afraid of people with that diagnosis. When people with mental illness if they are a danger to anybody, 99% of the time, they're danger to themselves. So that tiny fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent does not represent the whole
Yep. One guy came forward, William sniffling, who claimed that the people who made d&d approached him to get real spells for their books. Why would
they approach William nevolin
Well, let me tell you his credentials that he told us he was a Wiccan. He was also a Satanist. Okay, which are those are two different things. Those are two very different. Those
are two completely different belief systems. Yes,
yeah, they have nothing to do with each other.
Now you can say that, like, I don't have a religion in my whole beliefs from away things, but
there's more. Oh, God, he was also a vampire. Sure. And he knows werewolves. Me too. very credible, but he also wrote a book and it was well received by bad because it showed all of the evils of Dungeons and Dragons.
I love that the fact that it was well received by bad people made it credible.
Yes, it was the 80s what a time there also we're like, you know, experts coming forward like psychologists and like, you know, all of the usual crackpots coming forward about you know, one guy claimed that a parent saw their child's summon a demon, a demon from dungeons dragons before he killed himself, okay. And another who thought that he could ask your project Based on the instructions and their instructions for the spell written out in the book, he had all the materials for it, and he shot himself.
That's not how astral projection work. I've got that book,
I looked up the instructions for astral projection, not one of the materials is a gun. No. Also, it's like they don't their instructions for the spells are basically like mechanics for how it works like I shoot a fireball of my hands tells you how much how far a fireball shoots and like how there
is no Latin chanting that happened? No, it literally is a person says I'm going to shoot fireball and then they roll a die die to see how well it goes.
And there's like some spells where it's like, I need to like, I need to look into the future. It's like, well, you need a crystal ball for that. So that's what the instructions are. None of them could be construed by anyone to be an actual spell. If you've read the game. None of these people have actually paid any attention to it.
Oh, yeah. I mean, it's kind of like people who were against Harry Potter but had never actually read Harry Potter. Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I'll even defend Twilight on this one. The people who were against Twilight for the wrong reasons, not about you know the rapey nature of it. In the stalkery, they don't have a problem with that they had a problem with the werewolves and the vampires. I mean, okay. And they didn't even know that the book has overt Christian themes.
I would never recommend Twilight to anybody. But I will defend to the death someone's right to read Twilight. And yes, that is a hill I've actually died on a little bit was defending Twilight to a member of the public.
I would always when I would teach Romeo and Juliet I would talk to my students. I'm like, this is what Twilight is based on. And this is after we talked about how creepy Romeo was towards Juliet, like showing up at her house and trying to make her kiss him at a party and this whole I'm like, Guys, is this behavior, okay? And they're like, no, like, now think about Twilight. Edward was just standing in her room staring at her while she sleeps. Is that behavior? Okay? Is that what love should look like? And they're like, no, like, read it. Enjoy it. Do not use this as a basis for healthy relationships.
Yeah, well, all this is going on. Unless it's your cat. No,
Unknown Speaker 31:58
they do. stare at you. Oh my god. They do. And breathe heavily.
Unknown Speaker 32:01
Oh my god. So
while all this is going on the people who made the dragons, Gygax, Arneson, and their company TSR, were fighting against it. And they were fighting against it logically saying, like, you know, there's no facts about this. Like, we don't find any evidence about this. It's like, even like all these cases you're talking about, it's like, they have other things in common two of them playing dungeons dragons, there's 3 million people that play it. This is a pretty low number of those people. And it's like, do they watch television? Do they have any other underlying undiagnosed mental illnesses? It wasn't like, there's no reason to tie Dungeons and Dragons to this, but there was a big public outcry and the outrage and at that point, it doesn't matter what anyone was saying logically
it my minimal admittedly knowledge of Gary Gygax would be that he would actually look into it and give a shit
yeah, they were no they were taking it seriously. They were being a good company about this. It's like are isn't isn't linked? No, it's not. So finally, after a while, some information did start to come out of the about 3 million people who played Dungeons and Dragons actually found out That suicide rates were lower for people who play Dungeons and Dragons, then across all groups amongst their peers. So it was just the it was the opposite was true. People were playing d&d were less likely to kill themselves, because they have like a social group and a support network of these people that they talk with.
Yeah, and especially back then people who played the indie it wasn't mainstream, like it kind of is now. Yeah, so these were the kids who may otherwise have not found their group, their friends, their solid base, and they found them yeah,
these were outsiders coming together and finally having like a, a social group, Mm hmm. And it was it was important. It was good. And it's actually beneficial in many ways for the people who are playing it. And even you'll see now it's become mainstream. There are like, people's entire jobs are playing Dungeons and Dragons on Twitch and other streaming services just so because people love to watch them play it. There is just entire stores where people play it. The library, the library I work at is actually we have adventurers League, which is like kind of like dropping d&d sessions this summer, assuming assuming assuming so yeah, it's become popular and probably because groups like pullings, their books were found to be inaccurate. They emitted critical details. And actually they got pulling gotten a lot of trouble for editing published newspaper articles and using them without the author's or the publishers permission.
Tell me often how many sources have you cited
zero? And you know, what, if I get called on it, that's my bad. So then eventually, a pulling report was published by a game manufacturer that was highly, highly critical of her in 1990. And she had to resign from bad. Bad completely dissolved by 1997.
I can't believe it lasted that long.
Yep. Also, because in 1991, the American associate association of Suicidology, the CDC and health and welfare Canada all concluded that there was no causal link between role playing and suicide. No The evangelical right does still hate dungeons dragons, pat robertson who is the like 700 Club guy you kind of looks like a goblin.
Uh huh. And he's 750 years old. He doesn't even belong there anymore
Unknown Speaker 35:12
still preaches about it's evil,
but I don't think he understands what Dungeons and Dragons is, ah, because what he's describing is a video game in these clips of him from him recently complaining about Dungeons and Dragons driving kids away from God. So yeah, that was this outrage still exists. It's moved on to video games, other things, but I thought it was nice to see this old example of something that's popular again, and how it got the same treatment. Lots of stuff is getting now. So yeah, that was the satanic attic, and Dungeons and Dragons. All right. Ready for some questions? Yep. Well, the start of Tom Hanks his acting career beyond the test.
That was not the start
of that was his first credited role. Oh, I bet he hates that. I want to find a copy of it and have him sign it.
Unknown Speaker 35:58
Yo, the thing is, I think he was Would I do it? He would be.
He would be like fake disappointed. I was like, Oh, I can't believe you brought this to me. He's like, Oh my god, this is hilarious.
like Tom Hanks, I think he just seems like a good guy and people were so mad at him for getting Coronavirus testing and like he was in Australia was an earlier case in Australia if I understand it correctly, so back before they were limiting testing and they were sick, like they,
they were they active about their illness. They were symptomatic. It's like hey, we're having these symptoms of Coronavirus. It's like there's a credible reason to test you so let's test you
like and they were obviously you know, they have an entourage and they have they were in a hotel. These are not things you want to do if you have Coronavirus. Yeah. And he's also not hurting children. That's a rumor going around about him. Tom Hanks
is a national treasure. Please be nice to Tom Hanks. He's earned it, huh? All right. We'll Dallas eggbert be on the test. Yeah. Yeah, and would bad be on the table? Yeah. So yeah, that was my that was my thing.
I know it was, I had a lot of fun researching this just because I got to watch all the bad 90s videos, because it was all TV interviews. Uh huh. There was like nothing written down all on TV. And I will actually cite a source. There was a 2014 New York Times article about this as well.
Good for you citing a source I cited. There was also a 60 Minutes interview. Yeah,
in 1985 60 minutes. segment.
Yeah. You know, like anything that started in the 80s. Guys, except for the two of us, obviously, you really can't trust it. They weren't even washing their hands yet.
No, they weren't. Ooh, maybe. Maybe that's why
it's fecal matter going into their brains from a steam tunnels. And that goes into my piece today. Steam tunnels, fecal metal matter, fecal matter.
fecal matter. Why are we talking about fecal matter again?
Well, my sources were the bladder and bowel community, which is a real thing. Health line Mental Floss, the CDC, slate and the Atlantic.
I What are you talking
about? Today? I am talking about America's refusal to clean their asses. Go on. More specifically the history of toilet paper good days and America's distrust of both.
What? Okay, distrust them for days I can kind of understand because like, I don't know, I don't want to squirt. It's it seems like a day would surprise and startled me. If I didn't know it was coming. You
know that you press the button to make it work, right.
I'm a curious guy. It's like, Oh, what's this button on the toilet? It's like,
Oh, God. They're labeled.
Unknown Speaker 38:38
Like I'm gonna read a label.
That's why I still have to clean up the kitchen. So often we have labeled everything and you're putting shit wherever you want. Yes. And that's what people in America do as well with their toilet paper in their bad days and their fear of era.
Oh man, just I'm having actual toilet paper nightmares because every time I go to the store, I can't find any and we're running low.
Yeah, we bought it. at Costco, like eight months ago, and we haven't run out yet, but we're getting to the point where I think we've got a couple of weeks left at most. And in fact, estimates are that people are using 40% more of their at home stock because they are home at all times. Wow. Yeah. So getting a few extra rolls right now probably not a bad idea, but stop hoarding it. Stop. You don't need seven
you don't need seven cases of Costco toilet paper. One lasted us most of the year.
Yeah. And these people to so many of them at the beginning bought them for the purpose of reselling them at a ridiculously high price. You are awful people and your mothers are ashamed of you. And if your mother did that, too, then someone is ashamed of your whole family. You're bad people and you should feel bad. So if you've been paying attention, you've likely been hearing a lot from people who live in other countries or who have traveled extensively and they're talking about the wonder that is the day now if we think about it toilet paper. itself does not make any fucking sense. You are wiping down the dirtiest part of your body with dry paper. like think about it often you work outside a lot. You come in with the muddy boots. Yeah, if you're like these boots are too muddy. Do you use water on them? Or do you just wipe them off with the paper towel and call it good and then walk around the house?
Usually I just take them off and not walk around the house my boots on but I don't have the option of taking off my butt. So I would probably use water to clean them if my boots refused to my feet
or if your armpits stink. You don't just wipe them with a paper towel. No, you use soap and water. Yeah, and Bo can't cause diseases. It just makes people not like you.
And actually I guess right now I'm having Bo so people don't sit next to you and do enforces social distancing. So don't clean your pits.
And then especially if you have kids, but even if you don't, you've probably had to watch skip marks out of it. underwear. That alone should tell you that toilet paper is not working. And with babies, we don't just use toilet paper understanding that it doesn't actually get things clean. It's not even so much that we're worried about Oh, it's hard on the little soft skin. If I don't get this really clean, they're going to get sores and diseases you don't stop being able to get sores and diseases once you get out of diapers you can get them forever
Unknown Speaker 41:25
but now with adults we just brought up some glorified college ruled paper and wipe it on there Yeah, and we call it good now there are wet wipes for adults now of course,
did you see the the see the wet white wet like the man wipes?
Unknown Speaker 41:40
Oh, yeah, there do wipes dude wipes dude wipes,
which that makes zero sense to me.
Oh, I'll tell you why. That's the thing. This is a little side note. And it's something that has stuck with me since I was about 13 years old. I was listening to the radio and this is when wet wipes for adults first started getting really on the market and some they were having like a call income About wet wipes for adults and somebody called in and this is what they said. I think using wet wipes is kind of gay
How is not smelling like shit gay
and the pert the radio announcer kind of pauses for a second and then goes so by gay you don't mean homosexual and like no no, I just mean gay. So that's stuck with me forever. And that's part of the whole dude wipes thing is it doesn't seem to be a straight man thing to do. And it's also something that girls would do guys need to have their asses stink. And I mean, if my app does need to be clean anyway, cuz No one's going near it. I'll tell you
you don't need to be you don't need to be near it to smell it.
You seriously don't. Oh, my God. Like I once was around somebody and has like a nice smell and I couldn't figure out why. And then they stood up and their pants fell down just a little bit and I knew why I couldn't see anything with the smell just like
Unknown Speaker 42:57
popped the fuck out.
It was so gross and those wet wipes also backup sump pumps and septic systems. We had one wipe one flushable wipe I think it was like a Clorox wipe it was mostly flushable one backup our entire system in target. We
had some roots got into our line and this wipe got caught on those routes. And back to the entire system.
Yep. So how did we end up using toilet paper in the first place?
I'm guessing a series of bad decisions. Wait, who was making money off of toilet paper? What company made a profit off of this?
That does come into play? dropping shit
like you're the problem today. I'm not the
problem. And this is why my hot chocolate is in a tumbler. So I was just planning ahead smart. So in the beginning there was nothing
okay, but you need to fast forward at least seven days on this.
People got creative because they didn't want to walk around 30 asses. So they used whatever was nearby like corn cobs was a very popular one. My
my grandfather complained about toilet paper, he said No, it doesn't get me nearly as clean as the corn cobs did back in Iowa.
Unknown Speaker 44:03
Yeah, he's not making that up. That was a thing. I was actually one of
Unknown Speaker 44:06
the most common ways to this day and he said, like, you know, we had the red, the red ones that you use at first, then you switch the light was to
see if you got it all.
Just sounds like it, I love it. They also use wool, hey, and then after they're printing press, they would use literal paper. And because everything has to go back to the Greeks and the Romans, they would use ceramic discs, or most interestingly, sponges on sticks that were soaked in either saltwater or vinegar, which makes sense because both of those do have some sanitizing qualities, except we all shared the same sponge on the stick. Yeah. Yep. Greek marriage contracts supposedly also stipulated that they had to have some kind of birthday like thing available for women, just for women, not for men to use before and after intercourse. But I don't know if that was Ancient Greece or if that was more recent. They didn't have a date on that. We also know that toilet paper definitely goes back to the sixth century in China thanks to a Chinese scholar writing that he would absolutely not use paper from certain sacred or ancient texts for this purpose, but they also were basically using whatever items they had on hand including paper. The first toilet paper itself was invented in the United States in 1857 by a New Yorker named Joseph Gaddy. They were in boxes and were aloe infused pieces of Manila hemp, which he claimed prevented hemorrhoids. He was so proud of this, that he printed his own name on every single piece.
Unknown Speaker 45:36
Why, but people
didn't want to buy it. Because they all were just getting the Sears Roebuck catalog in the mail for free anyway. So they were wiping their asses with the free Sears Roebuck catalog. Now we get the high V circular every week and there is no way to stop it. Like they're even subreddits that are like how do I stop this goddamn thing from showing up my house and it's run by the Kansas City Star and there There's no way to turn it off. Yeah. So if we
run out of toilet paper, we have options. We can just go old school on this. Oh, I'll dig a hole in the backyard and we'll just
like those didn't really take off. And then Seth Wheeler in 1891 invented toilet paper as we know it today with the roll and the perforated squares. The original patent says that the toilet paper goes over the top not pulled under. The only argument
that works for the under is that it's hard for cats to play with it. If it's under
I am indifferent. I'm like, if I've 12 paper, I'm happy.
We used to have to do that because we had a cat who'd unrolled toilet paper, so we'd put it on so it's under so the cat couldn't unroll the toilet paper.
Unknown Speaker 46:40
Which cat was out. That wasn't mine. No, this was okay. This was I'm gonna say Lenny.
Unknown Speaker 46:45
That sounds like Lenny's little solid. When he's still alive. It's gotta be like, 40 an hour.
He's like he's close to 20. Wow.
Yeah. Then along came the Scott brothers. Now you've heard of Scott's toilet paper? Yes, that's still around, and he got it started in 1890 Wouldn't Clarence and even Scott created an unmedicated version? Because the aloe infused prevents hemorrhoids, blah, blah, blah. And they sold it to hotels and drugstores. But it only became mildly successful because no one wanted to go to the store and ask for toilet paper. Because it was embarrassing to admit that You pooped
but but this was before they published the book. Everybody poops. Yes, bumping was not okay before that book. No, before that nobody pooped nobody got to
that but caused it. Now it's like there are still things like people will go into the store and not want to buy them. That's actually one of the biggest excuses that college campuses have to battle against the use of protection during sex is people don't want to go into the store and say I need condoms. If you're old enough to have sex. You're old enough to buy condoms. If you're afraid to buy them. You are not old enough to have sex.
Buying condoms is way less embarrassing than buying diapers. A less expensive to
Yeah, nobody is looking at you. If you're buying condoms. wasn't going, nobody, unless it's like your dad that you're buying them from in which case maybe you should go to a different drugstore.
But But what that's the only drug store in town, and your town doesn't allow dancing either.
Damn it, let's go. Ah, so the Scott brothers didn't take credit for their invention for 12 years because it was so embarrassing to prove. It wasn't until toilets became popularized, that toilet paper really became a thing. Toes began popping popping up in homes at the end of the 1800s. And as they became more common, the need arose for flushable materials. So it kind of sounds like your grandpa probably didn't have in home plumbing did not. And for some reason, corn cobs not flushable.
Yeah, I'm gonna test that theory because I know it's not gonna work
Unknown Speaker 48:46
also often won't allow corn in the house. It's the devil's food.
Unknown Speaker 48:49
Definitely. The Dungeons and Dragons invented corn.
As you'll notice, there is no corn beast in dungeons and dragons. That's because it's the one holdover from Satanism.
So advertising started become a big thing, trying to get people to buy toilet papers so that you know, they could flush their toilets. And they of course said that not only plumbers recommend it, but so does your doctor. You know how four out of five doctors recommend and recommend like cross toothpaste or whatever. Who are these doctors? Who are they talking to?
They have a panel of five
Unknown Speaker 49:18
like and what is their methodology? I have a feeling it all goes back to how hot the farmer girl is, the hotter the farmer girl, the more likely they are
imagining like the like, turn of the century farmer girl who shows off a little bit of ankle. It's like, it's like well Hello, doctor. I got a new product for you. It's paper for wiping your butt that you can flush down the toilet. It's like oh my i don't think i do that. Well what about if I showed you this and she lifted up the skirt and you can see a little flip
little sliver of ankle and he's like hot Mama. Actually women do play a major role in this as does like femininity and sexuality. Oh, both positively and negatively.
Unknown Speaker 49:56
In 1928 they stopped marketing toilet paper so much As a medical product, the homework paper company created something called Sharman. Those fucking bear those fucking bears. They are the scariest thing on television. Like they're up there with the news. Oh, no, no, no, those bears aren't scary. They're just
it's not funny. It's weird. It's gross. And like, is this the people who wrote this? Have they never had an actual conversation with another fucking human again before? It's like,
Unknown Speaker 50:26
I don't know what led them to this. What
dark thing happened to make them think that anything that has commercials, okay,
well, it's like and they're flat out admitting and these commercials that toilet paper doesn't work. They're saying it's like, oh, we actually get clean enough to walk around. Not you know, we're fully clean. We're clean enough to walk around. And this is what gets me. The toilet paper doesn't stick to your butt. You know when the paper sticks to your butt, because there's still shit on your butt. So they're walking around with no pants. But in somehow the glasses on the baby bear makes the whole thing
Song to that fucking song.
I can't think of anybody who actually likes these commercials. No, no, this
is just I bet some executives nephew designed this and he's like, well, we have to keep giving billion his money.
Well, Sherman actually did the first effective advertising using a logo of a beautiful woman, which of course, sex sells for one. And also because it made this thing like a soft feminine product without ever actually meant at mentioning its purpose. This is something that will make you feel clean and beautiful and desirable, which could also go back to why men are afraid of anything that could remotely seem girly, but whatever. Sherman's method actually helped them survive the great depression because this was right before the depression. Now remember, up until this point, people have been using the Sears Roebuck catalog which they got for free and people kept buying toilet paper through the depression but they were also smart enough to put together the original four packs of toilet paper and say it was economy priced.
Unknown Speaker 52:00
yep. So you asked who is making money off of us Sharman.
I think during this depression, we are going to have to go back to using the Sears catalog.
I don't think it exists anymore.
It's online, we'd have to use our computer monitors and it's
Unknown Speaker 52:15
this don't flush at all. It's so cold and pointy. There's one of those
autofill things that was finished this sentence with I'm out of toilet paper. So I used my and then you autofill and they all either said computer monitor or cell phone. Except for mine, which said I used a comma. Seems Right. Yeah. So by the 1970s toilet paper was more or less ubiquitous. This is also when the first Coronavirus like run on toilet paper ever happened. Do you have a guess about why this happened? Why there was a sudden rush on toilet paper and all the stores 1970s
I'm gonna say the gas gas crisis.
Johnny Carson what Johnny Carson made a joke during his opening monologue about toilet paper. And for some reason that inspired everybody to go out and buy toilet paper. Wow. So my guess is that it was kind of the people who kind of used toilet paper but use other stuff too. Or the blue dummies that are all like, Oh, well, Johnny Carson is mentioning it must be normal. And I must be weird for not using it. So storage ran out of toilet paper. I remember watching Johnny Carson as a kid, really, I don't I I've been an insomniac since I was born like and I'm not exaggerating, like I was awake 20 hours a day. So sometimes when I couldn't sleep, I'd go into my mom's room and I hear Johnny Carson and I'd say mom, I want to watch the funny man with you. And obviously I was too young to actually understand the jokes, but I understood that people were laughing until I understood he was funny, and I always enjoyed watching him. Also in the 1970s 1978 Mr. Whipple, the guy who said please don't squeeze the Sherman was the third best known man in America, after former President Nixon and Billy gram, which means that the current president who was Carter was not in the top three.
Oh, Billy Graham. Also another fucking asshole
finally died two years ago, I looked about like, God, I was thinking like, how is this backer still alive? And I look at them like, Oh, he's not. Yeah, but I think I was thinking about that guy you were talking about?
Yeah, they're, they're the same. They're the exact same kind of shitty human being, which also, his complaints about DND pale in comparison to his views on homosexuality, or women working. So these are awful people and they don't deserve any of the money that all
Unknown Speaker 54:35
the 700 Club co hosted by a woman. Yeah. Is she not paid for it?
I don't know. There's shitty people with shitty beliefs. She
actually like his nurse to make sure he doesn't die. Wow, that would be amazing. Today, Americans use more toilet paper than any other country in the world, including those that don't use the days now and I Don't mean, overall, because we're a big country, we are going to use more of something. I mean per person, we use more with the average individual using 57 squares per day, which adds up to 50 pounds per year. 57 squared. Oh, I bring I did the math. I did the math. Oh God, I don't want to get to like the specific
metrics but like, I would say like six squares
ish 57 squares. Let's break it down. Yeah, getting the average American goes to the bathroom between six and seven times per day. And I mean, just urination though up to 10 can be normal be like, if you're starting to feel a little weird burns down, they're suddenly paying more please go to the doctor. Too much. urination can be a sign of problems like diabetes and you want to get that caught and pooping can happen anywhere from three times per day to three times per week. Although if you are going more or less than that, it actually isn't that as much of a cost of cause for concern. Like urination would be because some people I've heard that you don't even need to worry as as low as one time per week for your poop. So, again, if something feels weird go to the doctor. This is breaking down the number between men and women, obviously, but let's assume the average only applies to women because women have to use toilet paper every time they go to the bathroom. So if a woman uses the restroom six times per day or seven times per day, I mean so between your nation and pooping seven times, that means they are using an average of eight squares each time now if Coronavirus has taught us anything, it's that you don't need to use that fucking much. No. Experts agree though that using water like literally just rinsing yourself is infinitely more sanitary than wiping things around with dry papers. That is all you were doing is just spreading it. Dr. h. Randall Bailey of the University of Texas McGovern medical school is a colorectal surgeon IE a fucking hero because who wants to do that for a living recommend? buddies because many of his patients simply come to him for severe irritation as the result of vigorous wiping what you have to do to get everything off and the fact that many types of toilet paper have fragrances and chemicals so you are basically bleaching shut down there and you know it doesn't do the things but water
unless you unless there's
bleach in it, then you're just an idiot, you know, but you don't have to vigorously wipe water water. He also says that rinsing will get you cleaner than toilet paper will like as Austin mentioned in a previous episode, feces spreads cholera and cholera still exists. Yes it does. It also spreads hepatitis and ecola it can cause you to get UT eyes
and feces also spreads the corona virus does
that was the next thing yesterday. While there have as of yesterday been zero indications that Corona virus is spread through drinking water so chill the fuck out about buying all water bottles as filtration and treatment does kill any viruses for that would get into your water in the first place. Basically you're not drinking shit water unless you go down to the lake and you're like I'm gonna drink this lake water because people open lakes off as do fish and oh, there are so many dead bodies and lakes guys so many
Lake of the Ozarks at one point time was so filled with poopy disposable diapers people thrown overboard there was like deadly levels of bacterial blooms and evil blooms that like you couldn't swim in that lake because it would kill you.
There's also an entire town under the Lake of the Ozarks. Yeah, like they literally filled it up over a town. Also, interestingly, there is no evidence that properly maintained pools or hot tubs have spread Coronavirus, but the key is properly maintained and how many people are really properly maintaining their own home.
Plus, you can't social distance in a hot tub.
No, it's not big enough. Now, that said the disease has been found in the feces of patients. Now I want you to think especially if you're a parent, but even if you're not how often You've gone into your bathroom and found shit on the toilet seat and how often you've had to wipe it off before using it. And how often you've done that without bleaching and waiting like 10 minutes. You're supposed to wait after bleaching because you got to go to the bathroom. So yeah, that's how you can get Coronavirus picked up. And also think about how toddlers like everything.
Yeah, I just I made a face. You can't you can't see my face, but it was a face.
Yeah, as of now There hasn't been any evidence of fecal oral transmission, and it is still transmitted orally for the most part. So just don't go around looking things that could potentially poop on them, and you'll probably be fine, but it's not worth the risk. So when people like scientists, and just people who live in these countries go around saying guys use the days The days are awesome. Why aren't we doing it? Why aren't we for the same reason we didn't embrace toilet paper at first. We're a big fucking bunch of prudes, and also because we hate women.
Yeah, both of those things are still sadly true.
But days were invented in France in the 1600s They were used in conjunction with a chamber pot. And they were like these really pretty ornamental things, but they were they had and they had a lid to kind of hide their true purpose, which is kind of funny because everybody knew what it was. But if anything about toilets, which have lids for no reason, and in fact, toilet lids are disgusting because he closed it over the seat that has poop on it. And now your poop on your back. Anyway, the day comes from the word pony which was gives gives you an idea of how they were straddled for the use, but also because nobility used it to clean up after go horseback riding which is like really sweaty business. So make sense, as you might guess, is were originally for the upper class since hauling water around is really heavy business and it was whoa fezzik wants to come talk about poop. He probably just pooped in very proud of it. Hey buddy, and it was so deemed necessary by nobility that even Marie Antoinette one of history's most important Huskies had a red lines per day in her prison cell while she
Unknown Speaker 1:00:57
awaited death. Wow.
By the 1700s, they began to have water pumps that could spray upwards from a refillable tank, so they were cleaner. And in the 1800s, a standard model was a small tub with two faucets. And this is also when they began to be able to spread to lower classes in other countries throughout Europe, as well as making their way to Latin America, the Middle East and Asia, because they can start being connected to actual plumbing systems. And then the Americans encounter them for the first time and were horrified.
I remember the scene from Crocodile Dundee where he encounters the day in his fancy hotel room. And he is shocked to say the least
First, the very the very idea that people but especially women would ever need to clean down there was immediately associated with promiscuity and abortion. In the US and Britain, people believed that dishing was a form of birth control and could cause abortion. It can't and it doesn't but it can make you sick. So don't do it unless your doctor tells you to and but Since they cleaned down there were considered a form of do shit. So obviously, if you used one, it's because you slept around or because you thought you were pregnant. And then 1935 world war two American soldiers go into brothels in France and see the bad days and immediately assume it's something hookers is so they were like, horrified by the fact that these hookers were using these things. They can't possibly come to the states without ever thinking, Hey, who was paying the huggers? You know, they couldn't possibly need to clean up because we're disgusting men and an old joke as well as that an American wealthy woman was in a hotel and asked what the day was for. And she actually asked Is it for washing babies in and the maid responded with? No, madam, it's for washing babies out, which further brought about the idea that it was for abortions, which it was for cleaning, it was for cleaning after using the restroom and before and after intercourse. It could not abort anything.
It's like it doesn't have that type of water pressure. And that's water pressure would kill you.
Hmm. So during World War Two as well, women's periods? No, we didn't talk about them. One of the touted benefits of the day is that they just make periods easier and those of you who menstruate know what I'm talking about because it gets it's it's like a war scene. It's like fucking Scarface or some shit down there. So it makes juicy awesome space right now. Like It's horrifying, and it really does keep things cleaner. So between their presence in brothels the assumption they prevented her into pregnancies and the fact that they could help women through that shameful week. Americans were seriously not cool with it because of the fucking patriarchy. In 1964, a man named Arnold Cowen tried to popularize the day in the United States with his company aptly named the American but a company he invented it this version for his sick father. So this is strictly like hey look, the alcohol men and he was like it can help you pervert these rashes, knees, hemorrhoids, these other issues. And he found that out. Advertising it was nearly impossible, because as he put it, nobody wants to hear about tushy washing one no one. No one wants to talk about the fact that their butts could possibly be dirty basically, but Japan was like, hey, this seems like a good idea. So they called him like the whole country of Japan all at once was very chaotic. He met with people from the trading company company and niche him in Jiu Jitsu Gill, which modeled a new design off of his and in 1980 the Japanese company toto created a de toilet hybrid today their models todos cup models also have seat warming in deodorizing features. And I've even heard of ones that play music so other people can't hear what you're doing in the toilet. That's amazing. Yeah, then it figured out. I also heard that. And this is not from my research, but like basically, after every time somebody uses a public stall, you close the door to automatically sanitizes the whole space which I have seen places that do that, but Japan, this is a thing. They're like homes have them hotels and restaurants have them if you're going to go to a bathroom it's probably going to have a bad day because cleanliness matters but despite how common they are in Japan today and how successful they are at keeping acids clean and hygienic, they haven't caught on in the States. People are becoming more comfortable with the idea of the affer mentioned wet wipes as I mentioned, they can clog things for you and it's not just your own house they can clog up entire sewer systems are being clogged because
I've seen these pictures of like these giant masses of people are flushing paper towels newspaper, like actual towels because they ran out of toilet paper and they just been flushing whatever they used.
Yeah. Use other stuff, throw it away, wash it in your washing whatever you need. You don't flush it. This is because they combine with fat from food waste and create blockages that are called fat birds. Why and this is because they are similar to icebergs in 2015 a 10 ton fat Berg cost London $600,000 to repair and in 2017 they found one that was 140 tons. I didn't bother to keep researching to find out what they did with that. But if you look up pictures you can find ones from right now like I think it was LA is having an epidemic of HIV probably not the right word to use, right? Yeah. But they're having an influx and influx of fat burgers because people are flushing stuff they shouldn't. Interestingly, the inventor of Fink's panties, which are underwear to use during your period, eliminating or mostly eliminating the need for pads or tampons thinks that women are the key to bring it to the US despite the fact that women have been the excuse the patriarchy is giving for not bringing them over. So she she got in trouble with her early ads, people call them lewd. So remember, these are these are underwear ads. You can see how this could get lewd, right. Yeah. And it started with the New York City Public Transit Authority not wanting to put her her posters up on their subways. Now you've been in cities that have subways. Mm hmm. You've seen the kind of posts Are Oh yeah, but they are naked. Those are young people in unnatural positions that are like look at my vagina and boobs, right? Yeah, her ads were women wearing long sleeves and turtlenecks and a pair of underwear standing like normal people like people who are in the middle of getting dressed kind of situations, but they have the word period. And so even New York City was like, horrified by how lewd and inappropriate these ads were. And I don't know if they ever got forcibly taken down or anything but I kind of gathered they didn't thinks got really like well received by millennial women, especially in the history of period products is fascinating to begin with. And people are really slow to pick up on these new things. But these actually do work. And they are less expensive in the long run because you don't have to buy stuff every month. They're easy to clean. They're environmentally friendly. They're safer than your for your body because tampons can cause toxic shock syndrome, so she began to partner with the Toshiba de A few years ago, would you add on to your existing toilet? Their website is a man see the Toshi buffet website go to it, it's the best at no point do they try to cover up what this product is. And in fact, the first image that popped up was people who were clearly using the toilet being washed away on like a tidal wave of water. It was the best and they're advertising is very much like this is to clean your house after you poop. Very clear. So she focused on her Mark her marketing on the millennial women who embraced things. And she thinks and this is actually a similar marketing scheme to how they bought Sherman in the first place. Hmm, by saying look at how this is appropriate and clean and feminine, and something that is good for you, especially as a woman, so she actually by using these like revolutionary products is going back to the oldest successful form of marketing for toilet paper and maybe things will change after Coronavirus. The first thing thing that happened after I felt like I saw that picture and made me laugh. A thing popped up a Motegi, but a website that said we're finally back in stock, which means that they had sold out of their bad days during the Coronavirus thing because people you know, totally gone like I guess I've got to use a bad day. If you type in the word bad day, there are so many like interesting search things that come up now because people are looking into them for the first time. And that's one of the big questions that people have been asking is what's going to be different after Coronavirus? Like a lot of people think movie theaters are gonna close down because we now have evidence that you can successfully stream these movies and make money off of them blah, blah. I think that people are going to start leaning into the days a little bit more. I don't think we're going to get rid of toilet paper when it's five years or anything. But I think the days are going to become more popularized. I think people are going to accept them more because it started out of necessity. And because it's being been successful in other countries. And you know, at the end of the day, women really control the marketing and what ends up in your house. Yeah, yeah, the patriarchy. I'm not saying it's good. Cuz women do the shopping, it's because who's always right,
Unknown Speaker 1:10:03
Hmm. So maybe the days will finally crush the patriarchy to me.
I'm sorry, I'm just imagining the patriarchy literally crushed being beneath a giant the day in a New Yorker cartoon strip,
like I'm just hoping a guess that maybe for the first time, we can stop associating cleanliness with how disgusting the female body is, and start worrying about our health instead. And that is the history of our days and how why America hates women. And then,
I mean, that's only part of the history of why America hates women. There's a lot more than that.
Unknown Speaker 1:10:34
True, true. Here's some questions. I'm ready for some questions. Interesting. All right. Why
will the fact that the ancient Greeks and Romans use shared sponges to clean up after the bathroom beyond the test?
I'm gonna say yes, because this was literally a test question. I remember from Latin class Really?
Unknown Speaker 1:10:50
Yeah, that's awesome.
Well, the fact that the Sears Roebuck Roebuck catalog was a pretty shitty publication beyond the
Unknown Speaker 1:10:58
Well, the fact that the days didn't really make it to America because of world war two soldiers visiting French brothels be on the test.
They're the greatest generation and none of them have ever been to a brothel ever. And they certainly didn't have syphilis in record breaking numbers.
Yeah. And none of the words that our soldiers visit brothels or worse,
Unknown Speaker 1:11:23
no. Oh, so
Unknown Speaker 1:11:26
what's something you learned?
The whole like, why Americans didn't embrace the bad day? It's I'd never really thought about it. I honestly thought it's like, a bad day. sounds expensive. And I wonder if they don't
Unknown Speaker 1:11:35
actually, that's a really good point that I didn't bring up is that the days are expensive, less expensive than
buying a case of toilet paper every every year for the rest of your life?
Well, no, but in the short term, like there are days that are thousands of dollars, the average per day here I think I read like I'm talking about the day separate from or like, fancy ba days. 300 to $600 Things like the Toshiba Dan I'm not saying this is the price of them specifically, but things that are attachments to your regular toilet 50 bucks or less. I've been seriously considering getting one.
Man. That was an interesting conversation about the history of wiping our butts. I never thought about any of that stuff before.
Yeah, no, I've actually been kind of like looking up the days just out of curiosity lately. I was like Why haven't Americans used these and the first thing I looked up was how do you dry after using a bad day you also don't want to walk around with the wet but and that is we're telling people it's still used. Now they were like you know basically that is kind of like how men like to shake off you. Usually if you get a clean up you don't really need to wipe it. But even if you do decide to wipe you use very little because it's just water at this point and there are even special towels that you use for it. And the Toshiba de sells towels made for this that are a shared towel. What is next to the toilet kind of like
a pot of salt water with sponge and skip the I know somebody
asked like how is that possibly sanitary? And they were like, What is there to worry about with sanitation? If you're if you are actually clean? Why are you worried, which I think is a valid thing. Now if you've got a herpes outbreak or something then obviously, but I think I would stick to the toilet paper for that myself. But also like also think about how many toilet clogs come not from the size of the feces but from the toilet paper that actually is clogging. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, even if, like have this massive dump, you should be flush it even if you forgot to flush first and you used a day, you're using like a fraction of the toilet paper so it's not gonna clog as much and it actually saves you more money in the end.
Unknown Speaker 1:13:40
Because you don't have to flush and flush and flush and flush in the end. Oh, shut up. diver absolutely finished saying what you learned.
Yeah. Okay, what about you? What did you learn? You didn't pay attention at all Did you
know sometimes just takes me a minute to remember what you said because I just went through my whole research. It's kind of like asking somebody to give a presentation and describe what the previous presentation was about. So What I learned it I learned that bad exists existed. Well, let's be honest, it's probably still around in some form, and that somebody was actually in it being too controversial in her own beliefs to be allowed to stay in bad. Patricia polling,
yeah, the Patricia polling
and I learned that Dallas Egbert deserved a lot better.
I think we ever had two more different subjects.
I mean, both of ours talks about shitty people. Yes.
And I guess and I guess the printed word, too. Ah, yeah, I think that's it. That's the only similarities. I guess everybody in mind poops. So
everybody, nobody pooped until everybody poops came out.
Yep. And this was after everybody poops so everybody pooped. So I guess Yours is the most relatable story we've ever had because everybody poops except for the Voyager space probe. voyagers never pooped.
Actual voyagers pooped Yes. Like you know, Marco Polo running around shitting in every different country. That He get to
that's why he did it. He just wanted to poop everywhere. really gross guy.
I actually feel like there are like men who are like, I'm going to climb this mountain. I'm gonna pee on it to show my ownership over it. Yeah, I also feel it's a big part of why men like peeing outside so much.
It's normally it's kind of a novelty. It's like,
Unknown Speaker 1:15:16
I'm not saying it's a conscious thing.
It's like, I'm normally not allowed to do this.
Unknown Speaker 1:15:20
So where can people find us? Oh, they can find us on the internet.
We're not gonna tell you where we're gonna send you on a scavenger hunt. Okay, the
Unknown Speaker 1:15:31
is at the top of the Empire State Building.
Unknown Speaker 1:15:35
You're not allowed to go there. Right? to go out there.
Take the virtual tour. We spray painted it last week. Nobody's cleaned it
up yet. The first clue is Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks at the top of what's at the Empire State Building. No, that was the it was in Seattle. Oh, right. Because they were sleepless Sleepless in Seattle.
Unknown Speaker 1:15:53
Right? What building was that Space Needle, Space Needle with the Space Needle.
Everything's the Space Needle. Always. The Space Needle. No, Tom Hanks does have the second clue because you can't get to the first one.
So you also can't visit Tom Hanks.
You might be able to visit Tom Hanks you might be immune now Tom Hanks might be able to get us groceries.
Hey, Tom, can you buy us some groceries?
Tom? It's like we're mostly good. I mean, like we could use some toilet paper but everyone some milk. Oh yeah.
If anybody can get us toilet paper. It's Tom Hanks. Yep. All right, so we're on Facebook. We we are called Will This Be On the Test? Or you do facebook.com slash on the test pod?
Yep. We are on Twitter at on the test pod
Instagram on the test pod.
And we got a website too. And it
Unknown Speaker 1:16:40
is on the test. pod.com
we have an email address, but don't bother Joe. Like it's so full of spam from everything else that you'll just have a better time reaching us through our socials. Yeah, and anything else we're gonna cover? Yeah, it's
like if you have any corrections you'd like us to do suggestions for topics you want us to cover. are just like no positive reviews or things to talk about. Just go ahead. Oh,
yes, please. five star ratings on Apple podcasts, write a nice little review of us. Download us instead of just streaming us that'd be awesome. Tell your friends how great we are.
We don't always talk about poop.
Unknown Speaker 1:17:17
This is I think only the third episode where we really talked about poop. Maybe the fourth if
you count Pliny the Elder.
Unknown Speaker 1:17:22
Oh, that's true. Well, those were those was more pee.
We talked about cholera and then there was the the poop log on the Christmas episode
to Dana doll. The pooping log. Yes. All right. Well, my hot chocolate with kulu is almost gone. My hot chocolates completely got it. Dissolve that entire spoon.
So I think it's time for us to wrap it up.
Unknown Speaker 1:17:40
Yep, let's wrap it up. And on that note, Class dismissed.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai