Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe
Release Date: November 23, 2018
Director: Don McBrearty
Lacey Chabert as Darcy Fitzwilliam
Brendan Penny as Luke Bennett
Our Unofficial Summary of Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe
A lot happens in Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe. Except for an Oxford comma.
We met super-kind Darcy when she is going to work in her big, important New York job. She's a financial adviser, we think, but they never actually say, and we don't know enough about money to be sure. She's being nice to literally everyone she meets, including the street coffee cart guy, who she offers to help get investing in her company or something below their minimum required amount.
As she's leaving her office to visit her family, her partner Austin (yes, spelled that way, not like the author for some reason) tells her to have a great holiday. Except...it's vaguely threatening. You can't really pinpoint why.
Darcy gets back to Ohio because Ohio is where you go to fall in love. There are all kinds of conversations about this ex-boyfriend of hers (Carl) who apparently also lives in New York but works for her dad in Ohio. Her dad also wants her to work for the family business and is pissed she didn't.
It turns out her high school rival, Luke Bennett, is a restaurant owner and will be catering an auction her mom is running. Her mom doesn't remember him at all, even though their rivalry was apparently epic, and they were debate partners who went to state together. They're supposed to hate each other, but it seemed more like they were equally smart people who were incredibly insecure about how smart they were.
Anyway, he's the love interest. And they're poking fun at each other until she knocks over an entire tree farm, which results in them having a heart to heart about their misunderstandings about each other.
While she's trying to help her mom plan out this Christmas tree auction (because rich people don't want to decorate their own trees but instead spend thousands buying pre-decorated ones. The trees cost like $7.50 because they weren't the large, $15 ones, and the ornaments were from the dollar section), she starts to hear her work is undermining her, having partner meetings while she's gone. Her assistant helps her sneak into the meeting via video chat, and she learns that they're mad about her not putting in as much money as the others. And maybe for also letting people pay less than their minimums. It's not clear.
So, she has some decisions to make, and she refuses to go back to NYC to save her entire livelihood because she has to help run a Christmas tree auction that she already has set up well enough that anyone should be able to run it.
While she's trying to make these decisions, she finds out from her assistant that Austin is poaching her clients by telling them lies about her. We never find out what those lies are, which is a huge bummer. So, she gets her assistant to spam her best client about what's happening because that's the only way she'll be able to keep her job--he's her leverage. He also looks like off-brand Stanley Tucci.
While the auction is happening, the ex-boyfriend tries to get back together with her. Luke overhears the conversation, and even though no part of it indicates that she plans to get back together with him, he assumes that's what it means. Then, off-brand Stanley Tucci shows up at her parents' house for this auction and tells her he doesn't believe anything Austin said and that if she leaves the company, even to start her own, he's following her. And that's what she decides to do. She also hunts down Luke and tells him that she's not back with Carl, and they make out under the mistletoe.
Throughout the movie, a couple of other things happen that are kind of there and not the entire time. Her sister-in-law announces she's pregnant and she isn't allowed to put an angel on the top of the tree, but she is allowed to run for three miles per day and do cater waiting. There are kids at a children's center who are relying on this auction. And Darcy knows everything about the history of mistletoe and challenges Luke to learn about it. And you know what? Their information is actually CORRECT!!! We weren't expecting that. It's not all lovey-dovey, and it's seriously just a coincidence that this is coming out the day before an episode about mistletoe comes out on our show. We don't read the movie descriptions first.
Mattie's Three-Sentence Review of Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe
Lacey Chabert doesn't seem like she's giving up a dream, just having the dream shift into something more in line with her values. And at no point does she change her plan for a man--she changes her plan so she can do good for more people, and who doesn't like that? And the villain was really "Greed" in the end, so I seriously can't complain.
Mattie's Rating: 4/5 Way Overpriced Christmas Trees You Don't Even Get to Decorate
Austin's Three-Sentence Review:
It didn't really have anything to do with Pride and Prejudice, but they did cover some facts on mistletoe. In a surprising first, the guy was the highlight for me. He was the right mix of romantic and funny and didn't toxic masculinity his way across the set.
Austin's Rating: 4.5/5 Model Ships in Her Dad's Office (Watch the background in his office. It is mostly model ships.)
Our Real-Time Impressions of Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe
Mattie: Okay, before this movie even starts--what's with the lack of an Oxford comma? It's like "Pride," said to Prejudice and Mistletoe. This is unacceptable. Also, I might have devoured the book "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" in high school. I was super cool.
Austin: It is a pride of prejudiced mistletoe. Like a pride of lions. And I remember seeing eats, shoots, and leaves and thinking of you.
Mattie: Back in high school? That's weird.
Austin: You have a brand, and that brand is grammar.
Mattie: I did spend a lot of time fixing mistakes on student groups' posters. I got caught by a teacher once, and she told me to carry on. Anyway. Let's start the movie. Oooh, it looks like they switched the gender from male to female for Darcy. Because Darcy is the guy in the book, right?
Austin: Yes, I guess the guy is going to be Bennett or something.
Austin: Okay, this is very clearly New York this time
Mattie: I wonder if New York at Christmas is really this nice, or if it's like a Paris Syndrome thing where it looks so great on TV and in movies and then is a huge disappointment.
Austin: She is even nice to the Coffee dude and got him a present AND is helping him with investments.
Mattie: She knows about his family and says she'll help him with investments. Does she do something with...math...for a living? That's not very womanly!
Austin: This guy looks like the Stanley Tucci you bought on Wish.
Mattie: She gets gifts for the mailroom staff! Also, I was trying to figure out what actor that guy reminded me of. Stanley Tucci for sure.
Mattie: There's some guy named Carl she's really excited to be free of. Boss or shitty boyfriend? Or since this has mistletoe in the title...are boss and boyfriend the same? We've talked about the dangers of mistletoe in the office.
Austin: She is at her job so much she is actually packing her bag for a trip in her office.
Mattie: Chabert's going to Ohio again! Apparently, Ohio is THE romantic Midwestern destination.
Austin: Her boss is named Austen. Subtle for a Hallmark movie.
Mattie: The way her boss...who I think is her partner actually?...said she should enjoy her time at home was supes threatening.
Mattie: Do you think her boss/partner person's name is Austen because she's the one actually in control around here?
Mattie: Carl is an ex-boyfriend who doesn't realize he's an ex. Yikes.
Austin: She invited him to an auction. This is very romantic.
Mattie: I have never read Pride and Prejudice, so I'm Wikipediaing it in the background. Apparently, there's a Caroline? That's the closest name I can see at first glance.
Austin: I did in middle school. More recently, I read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I think Carl is a zombie.
Mattie: Oh, there are some other C-names. I really didn't do my homework before watching this movie.
Austin: Is this the same guy as Carl? I really can't tell anymore.
Mattie: We have no indication that Carl owns a restaurant. The male leads' careers are always mentioned in the first 15 seconds so we know how financially valuable they are.
Austin: And Darcy does money stuff.
Mattie: Yes, vague money things involving investments. So that could be literally anything. We DO know she's not an accountant because they talked about gifts for the accounting department, indicating it's not hers.
Austin: I heard her assistant say portfolio. I think that means lots of money.
Mattie: Fashion designers have portfolios. Maybe this is a big misdirection, and she's a fashion designer again.
Austin: She is a financial designer. It is a new career invented just for her.
Mattie: Customized Christmas trees? You mean...every Christmas tree if you decorate it? People have too goddamn much money.
Austin: It is a genetically engineered Christmas tree that throws itself out after 12th Night.
Mattie: What is with the dads in all these movies being pissed their kids succeeded and aren't working for the family business? Is that a thing that happens that often in real life? My family was like, "get out of here! Go do something that you want to do! That also won't make you constantly poor, preferably!" Granted, we don't own a bakery or tailor shop or anything.
Austin: I think my family business is complaining about everything.
Mattie: I'm soooorry. Did she just say high school was two decades ago? Indicating that Lacey Chabert's character not only has an age but that it's nearly 40? And are we supposed to believe Lacey Chabert isn't 25 forever? I don't buy it at all. (PS. My grammar checker recognizes "Chabert" now. Without me telling it to.)
Austin: High school just wasn't the same after her best friend got hit by that bus.
Mattie: No one died. (I just realized our readers likely haven't listened to the Mean Girls musical 10,000 times.)
Austin: And probably haven't sung Meet the Plastics with perfect two-part harmony
Mattie: I missed it. What did they go to state in? I have to rewind and find out if it was the Mathletes.
Mattie: I love it whenever Chabert reminds the menfolk that it's not luck; it's hard work.
Austin: OH SHIT! He corrected her Grammar! This guy might be your dream man.
Mattie: Okay, they didn't actually say what they went to state in. It's either debate, some kind of grammar competition, or being smart in general.
Mattie: Correcting my grammar is a good way to get a punch in the nose because my grammar is impeccable. At least it is when I'm trying. I did say "supes" instead of "super" earlier. Though I guess that's more vocabulary. But I'm a big fan of sentence fragments when used effectively.
Austin: I've only heard you make a grammatical error once. You used a who instead of a whom and had to kill two witnesses.
Mattie: Whoooom. Whoooom. SOMETIMES IT'S JUST WHO.
Mattie: Who is donating to this tree auction, and what are they donating? Trees? Time? Money? Their grandma's ornaments from her hoarder house?
Mattie: IT'S DEBATE. And they only went to state? No nationals? Get your shit together. (I'm now trying to remember if state and nationals qualifiers were the same competition or if those were separate. I think they were separate?)
Austin: Some debate team. Only national debate champions get to design Christmas trees for fundraisers in this house.
Mattie: Mrs. Fitzwilliam is her mother-in-law's name, and she hates sharing that title. Mrs? Mother-in-law? Fitzwilliams? I feel like I'm missing something because I didn't read Pride and Prejudice.
Austin: Who are they executing? And Mr. Dacry had a terrifying Aunt who was like The Dowager Countess in Downton Abbey but without the nice streak.
Mattie: Whoever makes the tree that brings in the least money at the auction gets executed with the same ax they used to chop down the tree. It's very poetic.
Mattie: I never thought I'd feel lost watching a Hallmarkmas movie because I didn't read a classic novel typically required in high school.
Austin: It is not really following the plot, just some names so far.
Mattie: Once again, she doesn't do anything halfway! You might say she doesn't do failure as a hobby.
Mattie: Her place is beautifully decorated because she's an interior designer on the side? I'm pretty sure our house has more decorations on it.
Mattie: Carl is dressed vaguely Austen-esque.
Austin: Carl has a huge head.
Mattie: Did you know there's a Mandela Effect related to the Pride and Prejudice movie with Colin Firth?
Austin: Is it him swimming with his shirt off?
Mattie: Something similar to that actually, yes! Apparently, there isn't this super sexy water-related scene that everyone remembers. Hell, even I remember that scene, and I've never seen the movie.
Austin: Again, never seen it. There was a scene in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies where Darcy was covered in blood.
Mattie: Now it's just a Folgers ad instead of product placement. Is this movie too fancy for product placement?
Austin: This is so meta.
Mattie: To be clear, to any kids who are (making the mistake of) reading this blog: I didn't refuse to read an assigned book. It was never assigned to me.
Austin: It was also never assigned to me. I just value culture. I'm not a barbarian like Mattie.
Mattie: You went out of your way to read a Jane Austen novel? In middle school?
Austin: I was trying to impress a girl. It did not work.
Austin: Yes. She did a book report on it, and I was an idiot.
Mattie: That's fucking adorable. It probably would have worked on me. Actually, you never changed your move. On our first date, we sat there awkwardly until you yelled, "Books! We can talk about books!" And it DID work!
Mattie: Commercial break over.
Mattie: HORROR MOVIE. She got a phone call about something very weird happening. Super mysterious.
Austin: Pod people! There are going to be POD PEOPLE!
Mattie: There's a partners' meeting she isn't invited to or supposed to know about.
Austin: They are probably discussing offering her a partnership. Because she is good at her job and shit.
Mattie: I think she's already a partner. This is bad news bears.
Mattie: Hahaha, they're doing White Elephant, and everyone else had to put their gifts up for display (because that's how the game works?), but she has to wear hers. And it has wordplay.
Austin: I would wear the shit out of that apron with a Christmas pun.
Mattie: "I'll bake it. Yule eat it."
Mattie: I like this Bennett guy. He's helping take out the trash without being asked. I don't think this is his house anyway.
Austin: His name is Luke, and he owns a diner.
Mattie: Wait, it is his house. Never mind. And he has predatory mistletoe. SHE JUST NAMED MISTLETOE FACTS. AND THEY WERE FACTS.
Austin: He should listen to our upcoming podcast
Mattie: Though I think they're about to make some shit up about the reason for the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe. THey're hinting at it being something romantic and important, totally not related to semen or orgies.
Austin: if Hallmark ever heard these facts, they would never use Mistletoe again.
Mattie: Someone kissed in a Hallmark movie that wasn't part of the lead couple.
Mattie: She will never be satisfiiiiiied.
Austin: I don't know what you mean, you forget yourself.
Mattie: She's like me. I've never been satisfied.
Mattie: They announced a pregnancy without ever actually saying the p-word. I feel like I'm watching I Love Lucy.
Austin: she could be planning a heist to steal a baby.
Mattie: Okay, we've been missing out by not watching commercials that aren't on local news. "I appear to be rolling uncontrollably down this hill. That reminds me that I have Rolos."
Austin: You can command winter! I would abuse that power
Mattie: Could you stabilize our weather around here? That would be awesome, thanks.
Austin: I would just use my power to ruin football games.
Mattie: Mom is talking on speakerphone but not so that her daughter can hear it. She just is.
Austin: The designer in the first part is now Chekov's designer because her mom needs a designer for some reason.
Mattie: Yep, I figured that would have to come back somehow. Now she's going to shoot someone. That's how the Chekov thing always ends.
Mattie: Those trees are TINY. Like not much bigger than ours, and we're both taller than our tree.
Austin: You also would've caused tree dominoes
Mattie: THEIR LARGE TREES ARE ONLY $15?!?!?
Austin: This is why everyone goes to Ohio for Christmas. Cheap trees and an abundance of really helpful caterers.
Mattie: They're both realizing their preconceived notions about one another and how easy their lives are were wrong. Nothing says "let's have a heart to heart" like knocking over trees.
Austin: It is why lumberjacks are all so in touch with her emotions
Mattie: She just sneaky sneaked into a partner meeting via video. Power move. Also, I figured it was about her helping out the coffee cart guy, and I was right. Or did she pay less into the company than they did, and they're asking her for more money?
Mattie: They can't find a designer four days before the event, and no one has even thought to call their local theatre teacher? We do more with less money AND less time!
Austin: Chekov's designer. Boom.
Austin: The Pemberley Society is like the Mafia of this small Ohio town.
Mattie: This is totally Gretchen Wieners 20 years after high school. "Don't tell anyone I'm actually nice."
Mattie: It explains why her hair isn't giant in this movie. She has no more secrets. She no longer has to protect Regina and her mascot costume fantasy.
Austin: Does this mean the mysterious family business is Toaster Strudel?
Mattie: Walmart commercial. Still no product placement. All we need is Papa John's, and we'll have hit the trifecta.
Mattie: Jennifer Aniston is putting that lotion on over a lot of makeup. Really good makeup, but still makeup. And that's not how lotion works. That dermatologist needs to inform her that that's the incorrect way to wear it.
Austin: She looked like Barbra Streisand in that commercial.
Mattie: A) Excellent correct spelling of Barbra. B) I think it's the highlights.
Austin: And the way her hair framed her face.
Mattie: This Luke guy grew up in this town where chestnuts are apparently THE food of the season, and he says he's never had them. That would be like me living here and being like "barbecue?"
Austin: That is not an open fire. I was lied to.
Mattie: They never promised it for this movie. They just said roasted. That said, those look pan-fried.
Austin: "Chestnuts pan-fried on an open-air cart" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
Mattie: So, he's doing what his dad wanted him to do, and she isn't. And it doesn't really seem like he's happy, but it seems like she is. Or was until Austen decided to undermine her.
Austin: They really just borrowed a couple of names and misconceptions. The book has nothing to do with this movie.
Mattie: I think we missed a cheek kiss. Are those allowed?
Austin: Chabert makes her own rules. She will never be subjected again. Regina's control was the end for her.
Mattie: I was just checking on something else, and they inexplicably spelled her name Austin, not Austen.
Mattie: Her brother is a surgeon. I guess that explains why dad is on her about not joining the family business and not him.
Austin: Oh, good idea. Spam email. People love that.
Mattie: Especially when you're asking for money or other assistance on short notice.
Austin: First a cheek kiss and now hand-holding. This is too steamy.
Mattie: I just realized they've almost never said Christmas this entire movie.
Austin: I feel attacked. Lacey Chabert saying Austin with such venom really hurts. I'm a gentle soul.
Mattie: You would NEVER poach her clients. You know poaching has consequences if the game wardens catch you!
Austin: And I have tried to poach eggs before and failed miserably. Yolks all over the ceiling.
Mattie: I'm pretty sure poaching people like eggs is very frowned upon.
Austin: You just boil some water, stir it so there is some good circular momentum, then you fully submerge your rival's clients for about a minute, then boom. Poached.
Austin: I would also guess poaching people like game is also frowned upon.
Mattie: I think that's just murdering them in the woods.
Mattie: I feel like they're talking about the DAR a la Gilmore Girls. What clients will Darcy reach out to? Aren't they all in New York?
Austin: This is a longer musical number than we had in the Mariah Carey movie last night
Mattie: I've never seen a youth choir with this many boys in it.
Austin: This is Ohio, a magical Christmas wonderland where everyone wants to be in a Christmas show choir.
Mattie: I know! Let's inconvenience these kids and their families on short notice! Also, this is a youth center. This often means the kids are at risk in some way, and you often can't take photos or videos of them at all because of non-custodial parent issues. And they can't just go perform at this auction because their parents likely have to work at their hourly jobs (even on Christmas Eve, which I assume this is?), and the kids have to babysit younger siblings or can't get rides to it. There's a lot of privilege happening right now.
Austin: Carl is like a Mr. Bingley: oblivious and really only flirts with her dad.
Mattie: This movie in no way resembles my limited knowledge of Pride and Prejudice.
Austin: OR name it Luke's Diner! Decorate it like a hardware store and get in a feud with the guy who owns the grocery store!
Austin: That was a wimpy snowball, Chabert.
Mattie: She's just throwing handfuls of snow at him.
Mattie: Does this movie have anything to do with the novel it's named after? Is she supposed to be a Mr. Darcy, and he's the Bennett?
Austin: That is probably it. There might be some dancing at heartfelt confessions at the charity auction, but I doubt it.
Mattie: Aren't they supposed to be kind of dicks to each other, though? Doesn't that happen in P&P?
Austin: Yup, they have just had instant chemistry. We are way meaner to each other.
Mattie: At worst, this is lighthearted ribbing. He actually reminds me a lot of several of my high school guy friends. They had this smug persona and were actually all the nicest guys and the most likely to be there for you.
Mattie: Those are some cheap-ass Walmart ornaments they're using to decorate these auctionable trees. Also, there isn't time to play with the decor!
Austin: Stop wasting time and decorations! This is the only thing that could save the rec center! You monsters.
Mattie: Yeah, I'd be on a plane back to work. She's going to lose her job if she doesn't. She already has everything arranged for the auction to go well, and they should be able to handle it without her losing her livelihood.
Austin: I would love a chocolate eggnog pie.
Mattie: Eggnog is gross.
Austin: I love a good nog. And I didn't buy any this year! It is always an impulse buy for me!
Mattie: I don't think we've ever had egg nog in this house.
Austin: I buy a carton every year and drink it while you look at me with your judgmental eyes.
Mattie: This has turned into Hamilton. She'll never be satisfied. Her dad wants to build something that's going to outlive him. There's definitely going to be a duel later. And now there's an arranged marriage, which isn't Hamilton, just worth pointing out.
Mattie: When somebody tries to wrong you, kill them with whatever you have on hand.
Austin: Chabert will not throw away her shot.
Austin: Austin was wearing her glasses. Why if not to take deadly aim!
Mattie: Her dad just told her, in so many words, to slowly raise her gun to the sky.
Mattie: She has the apron. Also, she didn't bring a dress when she knew the whole point was this event.
Austin: She is dissing Christmas songs. This is a rebellious Hallmark movie.
Mattie: She's dissing Jingle Bells. I don't think that song even mentions Christmas. Just being really rude to your neighbors. And slaying. I refuse to believe it's sleighing.
Austin: And speeding in slippery conditions. What kind of example is this song setting for the children?
Mattie: Okay, she thinks they should help everyone be financially secure, and her partners don't agree. That's the issue at work. She's going to leave and start her own firm, but she'll do it in Ohio, which is disappointing because New York City definitely needs services for that since it's so expensive to live in.
Austin: The rent is too damn high!
Mattie: Financial adviser? Is that what she is? We'll never have enough money to actually know what those words mean.
Mattie: A Christian company has an app of James Earl Jones reading the bible. I think that technically makes him the voice of God, doesn't it?
Austin: I do want to hear him read the part where Saul demands 100 foreskins. (1 Samuel 18:25)
Mattie: Were you planning on getting back together with Carl? When did that even cross your mind? The whole movie has been anti-Carl, and now you're saying you have realized it won't work?
Austin: This house has too much Christmas now. Dial it back.
Mattie: Every one of these movies has a role for "If we can get Allison Janney."
Mattie: Austin is TEXTING. Texting?! What could be more important than Chabertmas?!
Mattie: Okay, the pregnant wife isn't supposed to reach up or lift anything, but she is cleared to run three miles a day and work as a catering waiter?
Mattie: Oh Jesus H. Christ, they're going to make the kids serve food to the rich assholes all night. Literally, work for the basic things to let the place you have to go because your families have to work three jobs. You can't just have fun at this party where you were supposed to sing some songs and eat food.
Austin: They couldn't get waiters, but by god, they have hair and makeup.
Mattie: The waiters supposedly had them down for tomorrow. You'd know that if you weren't texting.
Mattie: If this party goes the way every similar auction I've gone to has, some people are going to get SCHWASTY and spend too much money on things they don't remember buying, and the people who organized the auction are never, ever going to speak of what they witnessed.
Austin: That was a bad cut away to commercial.
Austin: Now I get to type while fighting to keep Zoombie off a keyboard.
Austin: Rakuten sounds like the name of a Pokemon.
Mattie: Rakuten is awesome. (Rakuten, we could use some sponsors.)
Austin: His accents are worse than mine!
Mattie: What the hell accent was he just doing?
Austin: That was him trying to be Sean Connery.
Mattie: Off-brand Stanley Tucci showed up at her family's party. And I NEED to know what Austin is saying about her. This dude doesn't believe it, so it needs to be something insane.
Austin: She kills seals by firing them at polar bears using a t-shirt cannon.
Mattie: She just quit her job by telling a client before her company, and he's going with her. She poached her own client.
Mattie: OH! The Pemberley League is like the Junior League here! There it is.
Austin: I was really hoping it was a secret society or a cult.
Mattie: I mean…
Mattie: This is a very religious public youth center.
Mattie: I always feel bad for extras in movies when they're told to bring something fancy to wear for a dance scene or whatever because it's always uneven and from different decades and things like that. Like there's someone back there wearing a prom dress from 2004, another one wearing something rather scandalous, etc.
Austin: A Christmas Jazz trio. That is some classy shit.
Austin: Carl, if you propose, I will come into the TV and slap you.
Mattie: Carl says they should be together because they both speak English. Okay, I have to give him points, though. He's willing to move to NY to be with her.
Austin: He already lives there. In real life, Carl would be the most disgusting incel. Fedora and everything.
Mattie: Which part of that looked remotely like she was getting back with Carl, Luke? Even the part you did eavesdrop on?
Mattie: Wait, if Carl lives in New York, how does he work for her dad? I'm so confused about who this Carl guy is.
Mattie: We need to watch Project Christmas Wish because I want to make sure this guy with the last name Van Winkle is real. Also, it looks kinda funny.
Austin: I am more excited about the one where they steal a tractor.
Mattie: We can watch that, too. I want to know where Rachael Leigh Cook's art career went. I assume she's playing the same character as she did in She's All That.
Austin: Or this is the inciting incident that broke up Josie and the Pussycats.
Mattie: Tractor theft is NOT the Pussycat way.
We did rent it so Austin will have to watch it finally.
Austin: This seems more like a Jem and the Holograms thing. It is truly truly outrageous.
Mattie: I haven't seen Jem and the Holograms.
Austin: I only know a little about it.
Mattie: These Kinder Egg commercials always seem to be rewarding kids after they do the wall height check. Are they getting the reward for standing still for that, or are they being rewarded ONLY if they grew?
Mattie: Yeah, Carl works for her dad. Wait, her dad has a New York branch? What the hell is his job?! Does he do the exact same thing she does?
Austin: He is the inventor of Toaster Strudel! We went over this!
Mattie: Toaster Strudel Financial Investors and Patisserie?
Austin: I thought you wrote "pasties," and that is far too scandalous for this movie. Even with the pre-marital hand-holding.
Mattie: In eighth grade, that was one of our vocabulary words. Pasty. My mom's reaction was confusing to me at the time. And it wasn't a "look this up in the back of the textbook" definition. We had to use the dictionary.
Austin: Her brother had the right reaction to her news. "Wait, what? Here?"
Mattie: She has a whole life in New York. She even has a coffee guy she knows BY NAME. Just picking up and leaving is insane.
Austin: I don't even know most of my coworkers by name.
Mattie: The starting bid on the tree was $1,700. Remember, the LARGE trees at the tree lot were $15, and the ornaments were from the dollar rack at Walmart.
Austin: We are in the wrong business.
Mattie: Didn't Taylor Swift just have a song about a Christmas tree farm?
Mattie: I like Bennett. He's not shitty in any way. A bit smug, but in a funny way where he knows he's being smug.
Austin: He is the best guy so far. And the last movie, we had a band geek, and band geeks are the sexiest.
Mattie: Did he just get more mistletoe facts right?!
Austin: He did!
Mattie: What do ancient Roman opposite sides meeting under mistletoe have to do with making out under it, though?
Austin: It was just a general togetherness thing. Unless it was Saturnalia, then it was more of an orgy.
Mattie: That wouldn't fly in a Hallmark movie.
Austin: We don't know what that party was like after the movie cut. I think they were setting that party up to go full orgy after 10.
What is This?
On episode 60 of Will This Be on the Test?, we talked about Hallmark Christmas movies. This inspired us to watch every Lacey Chabert Christmas movie we could find. Sadly, there aren't 12, but we hope you enjoy the 10 Days of Chabertmas anyway! (And who knows? Maybe we'll throw in a few of her other ones as well.)